The Blade and Me

Copyright, Kel

I started self injury when I was about 13, right about the time my mom got sick with multiple sclerosis. I had a younger sister to take care of and a father who was depressed and a mother who was abusive and unable to do the chores, so I took it all on. I tried to be the perfect little girl. And to deal with the frustration and grief, I picked at my scalp and bruised my hands. Being raped by my boyfriend at 17 didn’t help matters. For me self injury came and went depending on what was happening in my life. As long as things weren’t too intense, I managed fine without it. Then my senior year of college came and I was overwhelmed. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the abuse from my mom (severe physical beatings) and my father (who molested me as a child) and my boyfriend (who raped me). I used a safety pin to scratch my wrist. I was taken to the hospital, but not admitted. But it didn’t stop. I even started using scarier things; X-Acto blades and such. For years on and off I struggled with depression, went to therapy, tried different meds.

And now… I am getting better. I haven’t cut in over 300 days. I have learned other ways to handle the pain. I am in a support group for people who have been abused. I take meds that work.

It was an uphill battle.

But it is possible.


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