Copyright Lyndsey

As many say, my SI started at the age of ten. Scratching my arm with a dull sewing needle. Then it grew my need for this pain I was feeling. The pain I liked. I started taking shaving razors apart. At the age of eleven I cut for the first time. It was great. But a few weeks after I did it more. And through the ages of twelve to fourteen I did it more and more until couldn’t control myself to the point where it wasn’t just SI, it was suicidal intent. I was hospitalised four times. Three times for extreme cuts. The first time I cut only two veins open. The second time I cut more, the third I cut nearly every vein in my wrist and had bad nerve damage and tendon damage. The fourth time was for an OD on Nyquil and Coricidin, 28 Nyquil, 40-56 Coricidin. And with the OD I had tried cutting my throat open. By the time they where done giving me liquid drugs to keep me alive (I died eight times) my blood was as thin as kool-aid. Shortly after I recoverd I was sent to a mental hospital for a few weeks, after that I slowly got better, but a few months after moving I started again and as time went along I found myself with the need to cut. Soon after cutting wasn’t my only drug, I got addicted to cocaine and many other drugs then after meeting my fiancee, I quit the drugs but kept the cutting, he is a cutter too, I think that’s how we understand so much about each other but we both cut. I’m more in control of what I do now but I’m not sure if I’ll ever quit. Not right now at least.


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