Things Will Never Change

Copyright, Fluffy

Living in this hell has torn me to shreads,
broken my heart,
shattered my spirit.
All I can do is smile and pretend life is good.
As long as I smile — no one will ask.
No one will ever know of the pain I feel.

I go to school and put on my happy face.
Everyone knows me as the loud, outgoing, funny girl.
Nothings wrong with her.
I wear that face till i go home at night.
Then i lock my doors,
turn out the lights,
and cry.

Holding the knife with my shaking hands
I feel it’s power
It can make everything alright.
It will bring an everlasting peace.
Everything will be okay.

So why can’t I do it?
Why can’t I leave this hell?
Theres nothing here for me…
…so just let me go…
My vision blurred with tears
I put the knife down,
I stare at it and think of the peace it will bring.
It’s all over now.

12 Roses

Copyright, Fluffy

You came over that night
You told me you loved me
I told you to prove it.
You handed me 12 roses.

11 real
1 fake
you promised
you’d love me till the last one dies.

Now your gone
I often wonder if you kept your promise
I miss you
I wish you were here
You have no idea how much it hurts
To know your gone and your never coming back.

I still have the last rose
I promise to love you untill this last one dies.

Black and White

Copyright, Fluffy

Seasons changing
My mind is racing
I love you
I hate you
When will i figure you out?
A constant battle between wrong and right
Good and bad
Bliss and plight
Knives and cat claws
Peace and war
I love you more than anything
I hate more more than words can describe


Copyright, Fluffy

you know the picture of us? the one from last summer?
I broke it last night.
i used the glass to take away the pain.
but i think this time i cut a little too deep.
its still bleeding.
the crimson against my stark white skin is so beautiful.
memories of us make me smile thru my tears
why did you have to go?
it hurts so much.
please make this stop.
i always had you to confide in
now i have nothing
alone in the abyss of my life
everyday is just like the last
cold, lonely and full of lies.
every night i go to sleep hoping never to see tomorrow
because it will only bring more pain.
how long will this last?
god i miss you so much.
why can’t i just forget?
you were the only thing in my life that made me happy…
how hard is it to just forget one thing?
i’d give eveything just to have you back.
but your gone forever…
how can i make you see how much you ment to me?

Second Best

Copyright, Fluffy

I wish I could stop the sunrise
I only like the dark
I wish I never hurt you
I want to stop hurting myself
You just don’t understand
“Just don’t do it” you say
But it is not that easy.
You drink away your pain
I don’t want to be like that
My scars tell stories in a way words never can
They remind me of the pain I once felt
But they don’t tell who put them there or why
Thats my secret and I wont tell
“Doesn’t it hurt?” people ask
They just don’t understand the peace it brings
You all think I’m a freak
I think it’s perfectly normal
I like to watch it bleed
The blood takes away the pain you caused me
You used to leave marks on me
Now I do it myself.
I want to stop
But I can’t
It’s my way of dealing
Just leave me alone
Don’t ask questions and I wont lie
I don’t do it because I wanna die
Even though I often do
I do it for a release
It brings peace
And it reminds me of my pain
I don’t want to forget
But I dont want to feel it
Its a never ending battle
I’ll never be “quite right”
always second best.


Copyright, Fluffy

I tell you to leave me alone
but really thats not what I want
If you even knew me the way you think you do
you would know leaving me all alone is dangerous.

I don’t want to get to close
I don’t want you to find out
I don’t want to scare you
I love you too much for that
The thought of losing you is more than I can bear.
Again I will be alone

My tears keep me company
but it’s yours i long for
but at the same time
i dont want you here
i dont want you to even know me
i dont want you to care…

Happy Girl

Copyright, Fluffy

it’s hard to answer the question
“whats wrong?”
when nothings ever right
people try to understand
but they just don’t know
they can’t see my pain inside
but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there
it’s killing me from the inside out
but theres nothing i can do
except cover it up forever with a smile
and a little laughter
no one will ever know.
but when the laughter ends
my greif remains
it’s a substance of darkness that won’t wash away
my dark past will follow me forever
pointing, mocking me because it knows i can never be rid of it
it feeds on my frustration
growing stronger everyday
I will continue to wear a mask
so the real me will never show
the happy girl that has faded away so long ago.
underneath my mask is an awful sight
words cannot describe the pain that lies beneath
but no one knows that part of me
and i will never tell.

Friends Forever

Copyright, Fluffy

I’ve got a knife and you don’t care
Fire, fire burning in my eyes
you look away

This will be my last day,
lifeless living everyday
just can’t take this anymore
cross my heart, hope to die
I lost my dream today
you don’t notice

Like my frown?
I had a smile once,
you turned it upsidedown.
you walk away

This pain is just too much
the blade releases me
the blood running down my wrists
you hear my cries
you run away

my spirit leaves my body
batteres and torn from all the pain
I am free

you deny. you forget.

you move on. you were always there for me

If I Slip

Copyright, Fluffy

This world is so cold, I just want to go.
Why do you have to care?
I want this pain to end, not tomorrow but today. Suicide is the only way.
I cut to feel , to let me know I’m still alive.
This is the only thing I have control of.
If I slip it will be all over.


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