Control in the Uncontrollable

Copyright, Elise

This uncomprising pain is too much to stand, so I must take some power in the form of my hand. My hand yields the strength that my mind cannot give, I just have to see some proof that inside I still live. I must have assurance I haven’t faded away, I must see some blood so I know I’m okay. This emotional pain is bitter and cold, but my physical pain comes from the knife I can hold. And although my emotional pain is bigger then me, this physical pain is something I now see. I can see what is cutting me, the cool comforting blade, I know what is scarring me for this pain I have made. I know what is causing me to ache so I have some sense of what’s real, my mind is freed and I’m guaranteed I can feel. I can see ugly scabs on my body that’s so innocent and pure, but it’s an example of a spreading infliction that will never a cure. It’s a testament to an ailment that burns deep inside, this testament to a fire that my words cannot hide. However now I’m not drowing in a ache with no name, rather I’m reduced to something that will always bring me shame. I’m not struggling on the inside so people will not know, it’s dishonorably evident on the outside, this hidden hurt I now show. This contained pain will slowly kill me if I don’t take some action and this way of dealing is my hideous reaction


Copyright, Elise

My love
My life
My reason for being
well the only on that I took time for seeing


My fault
My pain
My cuts gettting deep
My cuts are the only thing I’ve time to keep

My pain
My sorrow
My cuts in my skin
My cuts that run deep with the demons wihtin

My life
My choice
My body is damaged
To me this is the only way I’ve ever managed


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