Psyke.org

Jamie

Self Injury

Copyright, Jamie

I’ve cut ever since 2005/02/29. I feel like shit because I’m still doing it and it makes me feel bad, too. Really, I did it because I was beaten, yelled at, and my mother was sick with stroke. All I can say is that I need coping skills and something else to do than cut. And for the kids and adults who are reading this, please don’t even start cutting, because it brings consequences like counselling and therapy. I am still getting it ever since I got out of the mental hospital.

My Story

Copyright, Jamie

One day I heard my mother in the hospital and I felt so bad. Later on my brother started to beat me. Then my dad kept yelling at me for no reason. I would cry all day because of all this happening to me. Later on one day I cried my eyes out and I hated crying I hated having pain and depression so one day I took a knife and I cut myself as much as I could and I felt better after that. I felt bad but when I did it I just didn’t care about anything. It was like a drug. I can’t stop. I wish I could though. My mom is still sick, but me and my brother is getting to get along and shit. And if anyone here that’s new and they haven’t cut don’t even do it. It’s like a drug and you won’t stop, I promise you. And if anyone has any coping skills please message this to me please, because I want to stop so badly.

Untitled

Copyright, Jamie

I am thirteen. I have been cutting for three years, and recently realized I am addicted. When I was ten I was raped and couldn’t handle the pressure of doctor’s visits and interviews. I started cutting little lines around my wrist vein, but stopped for a while when a good friend of mine told her mom what she had seen. When my parents found out they talked to me and luckily I hadn’t cut lately and there wasn’t any there when they looked. I stopped until my twelfth birthday when I invited my three best friends to my party and they ended up fighting, I went into the bathroom during the night and cried and cut. That time I cut deep and I ended up passing out in the bathroom, but I woke up and was fine. I held back until the seventh grade when all of my friends turned against me and I was lonely and depressed. When I got into the 8th grade I met my best friend Kelsie, she also cuts and we are there for each other. Recently, I began to cut on my arm and that all took a toll on my self esteem which I never really had. I now constantly have to wear a hoodie and long sleeves event though summer is coming soon. I don’t want to stop what I’m doing because, no one cares now and if I stop I will only do it again and more. For now no one except Kelsie knows my secret and I want to keep it that way. Eventually I will tell someone but not now I like to be in control of how I feel even if it means hurting myself even more.

Sad

Copyright, Jamie

I’m fourteen and I’ve been cutting for a year, people try to help me but there’s no point. Alone at night I cry and hope I die. I just get so sad and lose control. I tried to commet suicide but I failed, I slit my wrist, I hung myself, and I popped pills. My best friend even calls me suicidal. Everyone makes me feel like shit. In gym I wear band-aids all down my arm to hide the cuts. I think it’s all because of drugs. I started smoking pot when I was twelve. One is so mean he tells me to slit my wrists and die.

Untitled

Copyright, Jamie

I guess I did not know I even had SI. Maybe it was denial I am not sure why I cause pain to myself. I only pinch and bite and scratch myself when I feel like I am losing control. I feel like that most of the time. It started when I was 16 years old I was young and I had eating disorders I never felt comfortable with myself. I still hurt myself daily and I don’t know how to make the pain I feel inside go away. I have been married for two years now and my husband is always trying to make me go get help. I have been on every antidepressant there is out there. None of it works I think I hurt myself more often. I have just learned that I have SI. My husband was reading up on personal stories and told me to read some and share my personal story. I have only read about people that have cut and burnt themselves am I the only one out there that does biting and pinching? Well that’s all I can share about myself at this time.

 

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