Mutilation Celebration

Copyright, Jupiter

The first time I cut I didn’t even know why I did it. I was 12 and I carved an S in to my arm with a safety pin. After that one time I didn’t do it for almost a year, and yet again when I did it I carved a letter in my arm. In the summer going in to grade 8 I became depressed over many things I guess, and finally after months of debating told my parents about most of it. I guess they weren’t really shocked about that whole depression thing because it runs in my family, but when they found out that I saw things and had different personalities they decided I had to see a shrink. His name was doctor Carrey and he was an asshole, he treated everything and me like it wasn’t important. Anyway, he diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder, agoraphobia, obsessive compulsive dissorder, clinical depression and anxiety disorder. After months of fighting with him my parents put me in a mental institution, thank god I was only there for 3 days. After that I had to attend day treatment which was probably the biggest mistake my parents ever made; for one they treated you like a kid, they even made us fingerpaint. Anyways, after 3 months I quit and that’s when the serious cutting started. At first I would scratch myself then I started using scissors. The cuts weren’t deep just kinda like cat scratches. After a little while I became obsessed with cutting, not only with the feeling but the look of it as well. Shortly afterwards that just wasn’t enough, one night I was in the shower and lightly scraped myself with a lady Bic. One day when I was desperate I picked apart a lady Bic and removed the two razor blades and began to cut, and I was terrified; not because I was cutting but because I liked it. The depression got worse and I cut more often, whenever I was sad, angry or even happy I would cut. But what made it even worse was that my parents didn’t care, so out of spite I did it more and more and more. One day I was reading about self mutilation and it said that if you cut you’ll be dead within 5 years. I don’t think cutting is wrong and I wouldn’t tell anyone to stop, why stop something you love?


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