Copyright Jaret

My name is Jaret and I am an eighteen year old female.

I managed to stop cutting, burning and generally messing my body up after I overdosed about two months ago.

I suffer from a borderline personality apparently, it can be pretty strange. I wake up not knowing if I’m going to have a manic day where I’m really happy or a deppressive miserable day where I want to destroy everything in my path… and then myself.

I used to find every way possible of hurting myself, I’d cut regularly, sometimes I’d burn my arms and hands with lighters or fags, I would often walk around town when just shopping or with friends and make sure (unnoticed) that I could drag my arms along walls as I walked. Or smack my arms against something sharp.

My friend knelt down at a club and got a tiny bit of glass in her knee… to make her “feel better” I threw myself on top of the broken glass on the floor and managed to cut my legs, arms, and face.

I woke up one morning and decided that my job for the day was to kill myself. I took the phone off the hook so work couldn’t phone me, I went downstairs and carved my arm fives times just to “get things started”. I then found every single drug in my house and started crushing them between my teeth (they digest quicker if they are crushed) and swallowing them with water. I took a concoction of paracetamol, aspirin, co-codamol and some other stuff that was in the cabinet.

I woke up in to the sound of an ambulance. I failed because a friend dropped by to say hello and found me asleep (unconscious?) on the floor of my living room.

At the hospital my arm was stitched and I was told I had been very lucky to live (lucky?).

Since then I have stopped. I don’t know why… When you feel that close to death nothing can even come close to it.

It doesn’t stop me picking at myself if I get a scratch, or biting my fingers… But somehow I don’t consider that self harm… am I wrong?


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