Copyright, Shelly

I’m fifteen years old. I was raped when I was thirteen by a much older boyfriend. He hit me and several other things. About a month after my parents found out I was with him they asked me if anything happened. I lied and said no. For the last two years I have been cutting and attempted suicide several times. I have medication but it does not help with the pain and hatred I feel toward him. My parents support me with a great home life and sometimes think this is their fault but it’s not. I have only a few reasons I do this which are as I said anger, guilt, shame and release of the regret and pain I have from everyday life. I’m a heavy smoker and I have an amazing life. Sometimes I just wish it was visible through the past and I wish I could make myself strong enough to forgive and forget the past and quit allowing it to affect my present life. I have a love in life and as funny as you all think it may seem it’s my dog Missy. She’s amazing. I live for her, Seth and my best friend Ashley and family. I was also emotionally abused as a kid by my grandma. She always told me I was fat and how bad a person I was and how I needed to just quit trying to succeed and after a while I’m sure you all know you start to believe what you’re told. After she dies within this year I plan to repaint my self-image with positive things instead of poisoning my own mind with her beliefs of her own granddaughter. The first attempt I made I lied again about I cut with a razor blade at school and everything was bleeding and hanging out, had to have six staples and spend a week at an institute. I’ve had three stays at an institute and four hospital visits but only once I needed to be put back together. The second time I attempted suicide was when I popped a bunch of sleeping pills. The third was when I tried to drown myself and the others were just reenactments of the previous. Well, this is my life that hopefully will get better. Lots of love to you guys and thanks for reading my story.


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