Self Harm

Copyright, Shivon

I am 14 years of age and from the age of 11 I have been self-harming. When I started it was because of my mum she was an alcoholic and would drink a lot and talk about her friend who had died. When I tried to hide the drink from her she would start shouting at me. Then I started watching Hollyoaks and lisa was harming her self because of things that were happening at her home. It really hit me that if she can do it then so can I. It did look painful but I was willing to risk it. From a little girl I’ve seen things that are not for little children to see. My mum left me when I was little so I had to live with my dad who would hit me etc. My older sister was like my mum. About a year after this my mum came back. I was so happy she wasn’t drinking or anything. Then when I started secondary school a lot of boys use to say things about me, I got really upset about this so I would go home and sit in my room self-harming a lot. I would use anything; knifes, keys, I would even burn myself. I would sit in my room banging my head against the wall. My mum couldn’t cope so she would drink. I was hearing voices in my head. I thought it was the devil so I would just harm myself to try and get it away. Then when I was 13 my uncle committed suicide. I was so upset, so I started to self-harm again, then on the day of my uncle’s funeral my mum committed suicide but she didnt die, she lived, thank god. I was so angry with her I hated her I cut my wrists so much until they were pouring out with blood. It even got to the point where I was cutting my neck. But now my mum is living back at home with us and she is so much better and recovering from her attempted suicide I still am really angry with her to this day but I suppose I will have to learn to stop. I do still self-harm but they are not as bad as the ones I used to. It is hard to stop when people tell you to stop. They have to realise that it’s not that easy if they have never been in the same situation before. I just hope that I do stop because now I know how much my arms are scarred and I will be left with the memories forever.


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