Copyright, Carina

I’m twenty-three years old. I had an oppressive father to whom I could never argue, even if I wanted to. I never suffered sexual abuse (as I recall) but there was some emotional abuse. The reason I want to tell my story is because I started to self-injure at the age of sixteen. I remember the first time, I had an argument with my oppressing father and that was very harsh for me. Every time I had a conflict with my father I ended up with some deep emotional wounds. But that time was harder than usual. I remember thinking that I would rather have a scar on my body than on my soul. So everything make sense, the knife, my arms, the blood coming out of my self-inflicted wounds as a purifying ritual. I felt like the pain I was feeling was coming out through that blood, and not locked up on my soul, hurting my spirit. I could only concentrate on the blood coming out, and I felt regenerated…

So I started to cut myself almost every day. I have scars on my both arms and some on other parts. But the reason why I’m telling you my story is because I started and stopped all by myself, I never had counselling. And for five or six years I never cut myself again. I’m not telling that I was suddenly healed, but I fight against destructive behaviours (which can gain such diversified forms).

I guess I’m just trying to bring some hope. Luck for you all.


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