I’m Sorry

Copyright Casey

I have never been someone who falls down and gets hurts, then starts crying. I was more of the girl who fell down, and hoped that no one would notice because I was never very good at showing that I was in pain, emotionally or physically. Now, I am nearly thirteen and I still haven’t found out how to show my pain without feeling like I am seeking attention.

My dad died when I was in 5th grade from cancer, that hit me pretty hard, but it hit my sister worse. She became depressed and nearly suicidal but recovered quickly. This is when things went wrong for me. There was nobody there to ask me how I was feeling, nobody I felt would understand if I told them. Now, I have become depressed and I am a cutter, and I’m getting worse, but I still can’t figure out how to get help, how I can tell someone, because I really, really want to get better. I no longer like this life. I need to stop hiding.

I fell in love online. Then because I was too afraid, I told the guy I loved, that I had to stop talking to him, because of what it was doing to me. That was the worst thing I have ever done before, and I regret it. After that, I stated to cut more, and people always asked about it, so I lied. I’m not good at coming up with excuses, so they were lame, but no one questioned further. So I kept doing it. I stoped for like three months durring the summer, then I started to talk to Pier, and I again fell in love. Online again to top it off. So I did what I had already done, and I haven’t gotten over it yet. Everything has gotten worse because of school, and I need help, and that is what I’m working on.

I wrote this to help myself get my thoughts out, and to let people know what I do, so that maybe they can stop themselves before it is too late.


Copyright Casey

Someone… something… haunts me at night. Someone is there when I sleep. Someone touches me. He comes into my room and locks my door. He pulls the shades on my window. What he does to me will haunt me forever. I close my eyes but his face still remains in the blackness of my mind. I want to scream, but I bite my tongue. He holds me down and forces his body upon me. I squirm for my freedom, but it is impossible to get away. He hits me until I am still again. Tears roll down my face, and I try to hide them. He sees anyway and hits me again. He puts his hands around my neck and starts to strangle me. I can’t breathe. My vision gets blurry and I pass out from lack of oxygen.

I wake up in the morning drenched in my own blood. I am beaten and battered so violently that I cannot get out of my bed. My throat is on fire. My clothes are ripped. My eyes swell with tears and I want to scream, but nothing comes out.

And this is how it begins…


Permanent location: