Copyright, Chantel

I don’t really know where to begin. It’s the first time I can speak and really be heard. I am 14 years old, I have an extreme case of depression, I am suicidal, and oh so much more. Maybe it was the way I was raised. I grew up with the parents that I wish I never knew. They didn’t care about anything that happened to me, it was like I was not there. And still today I sit here at around 1 in the morning and still think about how much better off dead. All these dreams with no hope and no star at the end of. I can’t tell you all the things I have done, the list goes on and on. Arrested twice for driving (since I am only 14), caught with vodka, whiskey and cigs when I was 13. Ran away twice, was kicked out once. OD all the time till the pills didn’t even hurt anymore. Cut myself often, a way to heal that pain and shut up that damn voice inside of my head. My mom had an affair and lied to me for years about it. I am not a virgin and have not been for a long while now. I am an alcoholic, a drug addict and addicted to anything and everything. It’s funny how time flies. I can’t remember last when I was happy. It’s sad isn’t it? How life can just slip away like this. I have tried suicide many times, and people tell me don’t but I cant help but to notice it. I lost everything I have to my own god damn mind, as it eats away at me. I have created a nothing of myself, as my mom screams for me to die and that I am just not pretty enough or to pretty for her. I dont deserve shit, I am the disappointment. I need to die. How many motherfucking people feel just like me? How many people can say that they have just cried for no reason, to find yourself awake with your own blood around you. Mistakes are in life, but you know something’s wrong when that’s all you live. I can’t do this much longer. Please come save me. If you would take me in and catch me please let me hear your voice tomorrow. I don’t know how much longer I can take this numbness I feel inside as outside I shake. Please god help me. Catch a fallen angel I shall, if you let it go. I need someone, please. It’s a shame, only the good die young.

Unless, believe.


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