Copyright, Cutburn78

I started cutting at like sixteen for the first time. I burned actually over a boyfriend. It was stupid but I found out a new way to express my pain without anyone knowing. Without being violent or emotional. It was my dirty little secret. For years after, I would only do it when I was really angry. But then when I turned twenty-two, it started again while dating a man I thought loved me. I self-medicated with drinking, sex, and self injury. I discovered cutting while drunk one night and it became my new addiction. The depression seemed to subside greatly when I cut into my skin. The anxiety was numbing when I injured. My emotions were non existent and I loved the feel of the pain on my skin the next day. Although guilt ate me alive on the inside for doing such a sin. See I was raised strong Christian and we were told to treat our bodies as a temple. I did just the opposite and it was my way of expressing my pain. Anything to hurt my body was my way of shoving it in their faces that I was all grown up. Although it did nothing but send me to rehab, mental health hospital, counselling and nearly in jail aside from the bed of men who didn’t respect me. Fortunately God looked out for me in those situations and I am clean in every way now. Eight months with no injury and going strong day by day. I don’t know why I wrote this, I guess I just want some other girl out there to know she is worth more than the whore he calls her, the slut she feels she is, the drug addict, the alcoholic, the clinically depressed, the freak, the psycho and the goodie two shoes. We are more than mere labels. We are more than someone’s play thing. We should treat ourselves as more. Thank you for listening.


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