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Adam

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Copyright Adam

I started cutting in August. I started on my leg and would most often carve “hell” into my leg. After about a month, I moved to cutting the top of my wrist. My girlfriend found my cuts, and figured it all out. I felt so guilty because when she found out that I was a cutter, she started cutting. I promised her I would stop, but I can’t. Thankfully, she has stopped because she didn’t find the effects good, and it hurt too much for her. Since then I have moved to cutting my arm and the bottom of my wrist and discovered the pleasures of burning. My mom found a candle in my room and took it out because I’m not allowed to play with fire. She still doesn’t know that I SI, but she saw my burns and fell for the lie that I got them while cooking (cooking’s fun). She didn’t find my stash of five razors, three knives, a box of matches, and a lighter though. Thank God, she also didn’t find the towel I use to dry my wrist, even though it was right in front of her. Now I’m even more afraid of her finding out, because she had a “chat” with me about cutting, and apparently she is disgusted with people who do. Little does she know that’s going to put me under more stress and make my cut more. Currently I have cuts on my knee, leg, arm, and wrist. It’s getting kind of hard to hide them all. Anybody got any suggestions on how to?

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Copyright Adam

My name is Adam. Two years ago I was raped by my first boyfriend. That is where the doctors determine my breakdown began. Two days after the rape I attempted suicide and was disappointed in myself when I failed. My cutting began as scratching but quickly grew to gaps and gashes which got quite deep. A year after the rape, I attempted suicide four more times, each time ending up in the local psychiatric ward. After the fourth time they decided to send me to the state psychiatric hospital where I remained for almost three months. After I got out, I thought I was better but started cutting worse than ever, I continue to cut and am always trying to go deeper and deeper, I feel the deeper I go, the more pain I can release. It is an ongoing battle, one which I fear I will eventually loose.

 

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