Alicia J


Copyright, Alicia J

It started when I was fourteen years old in January of my 8th grade year. I felt so alone I would try to kill myself with pills and what not but it never worked. I got so frustrated with things I just picked up a safety pin and slashed my wrist. It felt so good. Finally pain that I could control. No one understood. My friends completely hated me. They would say things behind my back. I have terrible acne — which I am so thankful is clearing up — which they made terrible comments about. I had such low self esteem. No one wanted to sit with me at lunch and when I would find some one to sit with they would go up to them and go do you really like her or do you just feel sorry for her. I wanted to hit them so bad and didn’t want to get in trouble so then at night I would take that safety pin and slice my wrist. I loved every second of it. The more blood the better it was. After a while I stopped. But the urge to cut would become so intense I would cut. Then one day I just wanted to die, it was horrible. I tried four times in October of my 9th grade year. My boyfriend now knows. We have been going out since August. He hates it so much. I get so mad sometimes I just can’t take it and he knows when I want to cut and tells me not to. He is the only one who really cared so much about me. And now when I want to and he knows he tells me if you cut yourself I will break up with you. I love him so much and definitely don’t want to lose him. We have been going out for eight months almost and he is the only thing now that keeps me going and not cutting myself anymore. I am so thankful that I met him. He has been there for me and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.


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