There is Hope

Copyright Anelise

I started to self harm when I was twelve. At the time it seemed to be the only option for me. I would do it on a regular basis and then my mother found out. She didn’t really know how to handle it and basically just shouted at me, which of course led to me doing it even more. It got to the point where I was trying to take overdoses, had written out goodbye letters to people and was cutting really close to the vein. Then, and don’t ask me why, something clicked. I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore, it wasn’t the most enjoyable experience in the world and I had ended up mutilating my body. I was terrified, but I decided to go to my doctor, he was quite understanding and referred me to a social worker. When the letter came through the door my mum somehow knew what it was about. I told her the whole story and we sat in the garden and got drunk. That day was a turning point though, I was honest with my mum and she was honest with me, we began to finally rebuild our relationship as mother and daughter. Don’t get me wrong that wasn’t the end of it all. I carried on cutting myself, which have left awful scars on my arms, stomach and thighs. I went to go and see the social worker, but my heart wasn’t really in it. I thought she would be patronising and just treat me like a number. However after a few sessions I realised she was trying to help me so I opened up to her and listened to what she was saying. I went through six months of counselling, but during that time I was still cutting myself. I have no idea what made me stop, if I knew the answer I would tell the world. I think one of the main reasons I stopped was because I had a friend who told me he couldn’t cope with knowing what I was doing to myself, he made me realise that I wasn’t just hurting myself, but everyone around me as well. Slowly I began to realise that it is possible to deal with things without slashing my body up, there are alternatives. I just want to say to people who feel that they don’t want to be here anymore should think again. I went through nearly five years of hurting myself, but at the end of it I realise that there’s more to life. I’m still alive and to be honest that surprises me and if I get the urge to cut myself I distract myself. I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m just saying that if you’re prepared to change then you can.


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