Copyright Ash

I feel my cuts are an easily way to over ride the stuff in my head that makes me angry or upset. It takes my mind of it and calms me down. Picture me as a wind up mouse, all the little everyday stresses is it being wound, and when it is let go, that’s me cutting.

I feel embaressed when people see or find out, because I feel so typical and cliched. For this reason I will make jokes of it, or excuses, it’s difficult to cry. Just because I know exactly what I am, the same as the rest of them. I will grow out of it eventually I’m sure. I feel relatively pathetic, but if it wasn’t me I was hurting, it would be someone else.

I think it’s partly about control as well, as I have little things I like to do which I make jokes out of as well, I can only eat sweets and crisp in twos, I can only have volumes on even numbers, except I like the numbers seven and eleven because they rhyme. This is all stupid, and I know that because it has no logic to it at all and effects and helps nothing, but it makes me feel better. Just like the cuts on my legs.

I don’t really have anymore to say on the matter, because I don’t want to be the samey cutter with the samey story on this site, I think I hate myself for being the same. Although I am, and the stories are a great help and I hope mine will be too, even if it is to one person.


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