To be Ophelia

Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

To be pure
To be chaste
To be bowed
To be free

I can feel the water weighing
heavy on my soul
Dragging down my concience
feeding on my goals

If only innocence survived
But it cannot
For in it lies defeat
sinking slowly

I feel the water
cradling softly
lapping gently
over me

There is no fear
There is no fight
There is no peace
There is an end


Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

I can not find the words to say
how I feel this winters day
I know not how to show you either
through act nor deed, neither

My life is not the sunshine you see
My world is not beautiful
My eyes hide the sorrow
My clothes hide the scars

The hate that I feel is unending
Not for the others, not those I love
Only for me, my shallow loathing
It’s written all over in blood

I cannot explain this infinate feeling
So unimportant to any but me
I will not show you how I am dealing
Only after will you have chance to see

The Edge

Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

There is an edge I clearly see
One side has flowers, trees and birds.
The other side, with clear decree
holds nothing for me but desperate words

As clear as I see, these things around
I still cannot begin to choose
For this life has been chosen for me
Though it is of my own works

I want to stay in the light, in the clear
The dark calls to me with a force beyond words
the blood flows and I feel
the food stops and I feel
the words are read and I feel
free and in control
the vodka is gone
and I don’t need
to feel anymore
this is my reality

disjointed and frail
I live as a strength for those who need me
when my work is done
I will cease to exist, I will be truely free

Ice Princess

Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

Pale, fading into the snow
The wind whispers
softly through her hair
it billows gently
blending into mist and moonlight

Cold, so cold
warmpth sinking into chill
melting, bleeding
into the air steam rises
stark branches overhead

Dark eyes leering into the night
challenge the life
of the faded one
As she falls, deeper into the ice
of her own heart


Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

I feel it controlling me
I am a slave, yet free
my choices are my own
but my body answers to itself
my mind is traped

Let me go
Let it consume me
I fear it though
for it will destroy me
ripping through the mask
that hides the fear so well

I feel the movement
building, growing stronger
moment by moment, greater
I want to choose
So I choose to suffer
Silently trapped in my body
That is not my own
cagged in my own disgusting flesh
A prision of pride

The Final Key

Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

locked inside the darkness
it envelopes the soul
the mind screams for freedom
the heart slows it’s beat
so slow, almost gone
breathing faintly
a whisper beneath the music
can you hear the screams
of the small child i am
of the innocence forgotten
can you feel the breeze
sour with whisky
hints of vodka
flowing from this space
can you see the rusty stains
of midnights not forgotten
while you dreamed your dreams
can you see the scratches on every door
locked in my own mind
this windowless place
metallic, fowl scents
exchanged for open fields
when the final key plunged in
the final lock opened
feel life wash away in the rush
of red draining quick
if only I’d known sooner


Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

I just wish I existed
In a realm of reality
Not this terrible fantasy
Not this horrid dream

I just wish I felt loved
As if I meant something
Not for pities sake
Not for lack of hate

I just wish I felt
In rays of sunshine
Not the cold night
Not the rushing wind

I just wish I could hold you
Whoever you are
Wherever you are
Right now in my arms

I just want to feel warmth
From a loving heart
From the shining sun
Deep and peaceful

I just want to be
Loved for eternity
Loved by anyone
Now as I lie alone


Copyright, NekoEwigkeit

I want to escape
Away from reality
Away from the stinging
Soreness of wounds

Flying through life
Aware of nothing
Death in the air
Unknowingly beautiful

Wisdom of ages
Fails in the face of her
Beauty incarnet
Deadly as sin

Blood glistening
Tears falling
Life drains
Onto the floor

It is done


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