Copyright Nikki

I’ll hide my pain,
I’ll hide my shame
, I’ll hide it if I do it again,
I’ll wear long sleeves,
Keep out of the way,
Save myself another day,
I’ll make you happy,
Keep you amused,
I’ll keep you thinking I’m just confused,
I’ll live like this,
I’ll do my time,
I’ll love you till I lose my mind,
I’ll use this file,
To do no harm,
Just cut my love into my arm.

My Secret

Copyright, Nikki

One and Two
Three then four
Slices, slashes,
Blood hits the floor.

Alone and scared
Razor in hand
Cut and watch
You don’t understand.

Long sleeved shirts
bracelets over wrists
Hide these wounds
No one can know this.

Press and pull
Release this pain
It doesn’t even matter
If I hit the vein.

Watch blood flow
As hands shake
Please don’t tell
I am fake.

Keep that smile
Pretend everything’s fine
Cause if I told
The secret wouldn’t be mine.

Read This

Copyright, Nikki

I have no clue!
Who are you?
Who is this cring?
Is this girl inside dying
Who is the girl with the knife?
This girl wanting to end her life?
She is diffrent from the one i once knew.
Does she seem different to you too?
this girl can’t do anything right
all she ever wants to do is fight.
I know this girl is me
i just dont want to see.
How bad my life has come to be.


Copyright, Nikki

Those of you who cut will know,
The way it makes you feel,
To turn your anger on yourselves,
To feel the sting of steel.
The way it gives you sweet release,
The way it clears your soul,
The way it puts your mind at peace,
It’s how we keep control.
For as the blood escapes the wound,
Our sorrow drains away,
And all the hurt and pain inside,
Is silenced for the day.
So if these cuts are what it takes,
For us to live our lives,
We’ll keep on cutting everyday,
Addicted to our knives.

The Feeling of Freedom

Copyright, Nikki

The blood leaks out
from my wrist
I look at the pain
rage is bliss
you see me out there
looking in your mirror
I watch you
as the knife gets nearer
closer to your arm
even closer to your fate
you take it sideways
to release the hate
take the moment
to think of yourself
and slowly wonder
do you need help?
I think you do
but it’s not my choice
I watch the blood
and rejoice
the blood of another
but somehow my own
I think in the shadows
cold and alone
finally I’m free
Free from all harm
I look down to my feet
and see it was my arm.

The Pain

Copyright, Nikki

You feel the pain day and night
You cry yourself to sleep
All those times you laughed
They were really tears inside.
The tears never stop
Either you are crying on the inside
Or showing you true feelings on the outside
The tears just remind you of the blood
The blood that drips down your arm
The blood seems to be the only thing that keeps you sane
But everyone just keeps calling you names
The pain, anger, and sadness.
Nobody else you know has those same feelings
Now so many people making fun of you
You just want it all to stop
But you go home and try to give life one more shot
You best friend is lying on the table
The razor that helped you through all the hard times
So you decide to take your best friend to your throat
You write everyone you last goodbyes
Because that was the day you died.

Come See My Grave

Copyright, Nikki

Be here beside my side
and everything i do
‘cause you can run but you can’t hide
i will always find you
this pain builds inside
but i can’t contain the urge
to watch the blade against my arm
to watch the blood surge
when my time is done
before I turn madly in love
you’ll see me in a pit
just push, just shove
just to watch me die
just to watch me bleed
just to watch me cry
just to watch me need
I feel the presence
of your skin next to mine
help me make my penence
help me to cure thy
the touch your lips
so cold to the touch
bring me to my knees
make me want to clutch
I can feel you
under my skin like a miracle
just to watch my life
hang in a blades pinnacle.

Did You See My Scars?

Copyright, Nikki

when you met me,
did you see my scars?
when you first talked to me,
did you see my scars?
my scars grow
with every growing day
I have scars that you can’t see
they’re upon my broken face
I drive the nail
into my head
I slice my arms
until I’m dead
I need to die
I have my reasons
I’ll wait for that day
In the wintery season
you’ll seem so far
until the day
you see my scars.

Fuck This World

Copyright, Nikki

You people don’t control me.
and you never will
I’m slowly dieing here can’t you see
And I love this dieing thrill
You wish you owned me
but you don’t own yourself
So fuck this world
you can all burn in hell
Fuck your maggot coarpse
you can shove it up your ass
This feeling is getting worse
I feel like an outcast
I feel your eyes study me
And how you want me to die
I want to turn out the light
I want to lay there and cry
The knife’s at my wrist
what do I do next
I’m sure you all know
Put my body to the test
lets see how deep I can go
lets see how much I can bleed
Lets see how fast I can drop
Lets all wait and see
Lets all watch me die
With no life to live
I’ll never have a wife
I’ll never have kids
Lets all see me spin
into a nothing abbyse
Watch me die
from one special kiss

When My Time Comes

Copyright, Nikki

When my time comes
I need to go
they need to leave
me alone
rape me one more time
for old times sake
it seems like life’s
a big piece of cake
when you came
and when you leave
I’ll miss you so much
That I’ll cut and cleave
I don’t know what
I feel anymore
therefore I watch you
walk out that door
when my time comes
I will succumb
to anything you say
or summon
I feel like a raven
maddly in love
so I’ll follow you
when my time comes.


Copyright, Nikki

But inside I’m screaming
I can’t seem to hold this
back anymore
my friends and family
all implore
that I’m a monster
at least in mind
maybe I am
on my own time
but they’ve given me
this little book
for a journal
I overlook
on outside I’m fine
my minds slowly teeming
I seem so calm
but inside I’m screaming
like my book
I love it so
for a reference
wherever I go
My little box
always with me
inside of it
lies the key
the key to salvation
my one true want
some little blades
so I can cut
Just cut away
and never stop
just keep cutting
until the last drop
rolls off of my arm
then I can’t
cause no harm
to the people I love
but always leaving
it seems so right
but inside I’m screaming
No fatal wounds
but perfectly flawed
nobody thinks
that this is odd
my well being
in a perfect place
and you try to
rub it all in my face
because you can’t have it
not like I do
I’m a cutter
it’s nothing new
I see so cold
slowly reading
thinking with steady eyes
but inside I’m screaming.


Copyright, Nikki

The silvery cold blade
across my smoth white skin

The deep cuts it made
as it dug in

As I neal to the ground
the blood falls

Without a sound
I lay there in a ball

Will this pain ever end
Will I ever have a one true friend.

Do I Scare You?

Copyright, Nikki

I want to scare you
cause you scare me
every second my heart beats is another thought
every time you feel, I feel a million times harder
Can you even imagine that
Everytime you hate me my breath becomes shorter
everytime I feel pain, I cut
The pain from you makes me fall and bleed
My head goes black. I cant even see.
Are you scared yet?
The thought of you makes me more and more insane
Sometimes I want to put a bullet through my head
I want a fuckin bullet in my head!
I want to fucking die!
Do I scare you?

This Life

Copyright, Nikki

How did I make it this far?
Life has left it s hideous scar
All the pain I keep bottled up inside
And all the tears that I have cried
My days are getting colder
As these days make me older
My Nights are getting longer
I spend them alone I wish I was stronger
But I will admit I am so very weak
Am I ever going to find in life what I seek?
This life of mine can t be real
I must be in a nightmare this is not how you re supposed to feel
> From this nightmare I will never awake
So this life you might as well just take
This life is no use; it s worthless, and cheap
I feel this is true I feel it way down deep
This life should just be thrown away
For it can no longer stand one more day
This life has become old and torn
It has been this way since I was born
When I am alone I sit and I stare
Just thinking and wondering who would REALLY care
This life should no longer be here
It should just walk off and disappear


Copyright, Nikki

Why does the sun set?
And how come tears fall from the sky?

Why must clouds hide the sun?
And why does my heart cry?

How come the earth spins round,
When each day people die?

O why, does life go on,
If there seems no reason why?


Copyright, Nikki

I close my eyes to remember a time that I was happy by your side,
I try to remember the days before that I didn’t run away to hide.

But darkness clouds a mind so deep and intense,
That all the happiness that was felt before is now replaced by mystery and suspense.

So heavy the burden left upon my heart, so dark my dreams and thoughts,
That it’s a wonder I can remember a happy time… happiness just sits and rots.


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