No One Notices Me

Copyright Nicole

I cut to deal with my depression,
I cut to get rid of all my pain,
The people I was closet to were taken away from me,
The people I love are the center of attention,
No one notices me,
No one see’s the scars,
My arms look like railroad tracks,
But who cares?
No one notices me!
I wish I could normal and not cut,
But cutting is how I live!
No one notices ME!

Blind Sighted

Copyright, Nicole

The girls in these pictures are worn so thin,
All they have left are cuts in their skin.
They are worn and torn and broken down,
With nothing more than a broken frown.
Their scars tell so many stories of life,
That start with a smile and end with a knife.
I watch them and wait to make that mistake,
Or maybe to see how much they can take.
I go the place where they put pictures up,
Where they show where their line goes on the cup.
It’s beginning to sink in that we are all the same,
We are unique but false, and all to blame.
I dont go there only to see what they go through,
I go there too because maybe Im just like you.
Most of them were 13 when they started these things,
They could have been angels, lawyers or kings.
But they couldnt they didnt, they did what they felt,
They wanted to know how it felt to just melt.
Most of them do it because lack of control,
Some need to feel the opposing roll.
They beg and plead just to be free from their pain,
When all they get is another scar of being insane.
No one understands the feelings that linger,
Dont judge then and knock them or even raise a finger.
No one can help them, not even you,
So dont try to see what you can do.
Im not trying to upset you or make you feel bad,
You just need to know what they could of had.
Dont be blind to the cries behind the door,
See this world straight to the core.
Nothing is beautiful and nothing is right,
This is an ungly place no matter if it’s day or night.
Everyone is different and you’re no better,
So forget what she does and just let her.

So Beautiful

Copyright, Nicole

Tears slowly stream down my face
Like razorblades they hurt
The only feeling left that’s real
Falling down, they hit the ground
So beautiful…

Drops of blood slide down my arm
Like they’re running from me
The only thing left that’s pure
On their way stopped by a scar
So beautiful…

Your kisses on my lips
Like you would ever love me too
My only feeling left is for you
That look in your eyes
So beautiful…

Looking in the mirror
Like the reflection would be myself
The only thing left is my mask
Laughing, staring back at me
So disgusting…

Overwhelming Static

Copyright, Nicole

Pools of dripping, crudely-mastered feelings
Hoping judgement won’t fail me now
Slicing that organ
With aquired accuracy
Feeling the gushing of Sweet Red Juice
Sucking it up
As if the life force prevailed
From this Fountain of Youth
Immortality seems minutes away
My arm reveals the glory
Of a good days work
And now I can rest my head
Against the pillow
And dream of the monsters and demons That haunt me
But no matter what
I know one thing that has and will always be true:

I will survive.


Copyright, Nicole

I once was a girl with a heart too big
I felt too much-too many tears, too much laughter
But they took it away from me
Gave me pills to shrink my heart
They took away my laughter and my tears
Convinced me that emotion was bad
And I was to blame
So I expressed my feelings silently
With a blade or a knife or a match
Hid my emotions under my clothes
They were mine and I refused to let them go
But then they found out
They gave me pills to make me stop cutting
They threatened to take away my life if I didn’t stop
So I made it easy on them
I stopped feeling-stopped cutting and crying and laughing and burning
I didn’t want them to win so I didn’t leave them anything to take away from me
They were satisfied and felt their job done
There was nothing left that they could give me pills for
I’m cured.

Gossip Column

Copyright, Nicole

Have you HEARD?
I cannot believe her!
WHY would she do that?
Carving her stupid “images of hatred” into HERSELF?
  Let’s face it -
    She’s a psycho.
I mean,
  -COME ON!-
No sane person would
do that to herself!

 waiting — debating —
    she’s deciding whether to use
  the X-acto knife on her
Silently, she carves her arm,
Her own private “images of hatred”
Splattered with blood
  on her arm.
She smiles.
because SHE
  (no one else)
is in control.
HER secret..
HER cuts..
(finally, something she doesn’t share)

Now, running back to her friends,
 joining in on their conversation:
 that girl really is a psycho!”


Copyright, Nicole

Hell is where I am
So dark, so cold, so lonely.
No one else is here.
I am the one and only.
I sit here in the dark,
and think of my sad life.
I should have ended it all of it
When I had the knife.
Why was I the chosen one
to come and take this place?
Maybe, because to people,
I mean nothing -
I was born to this world a disgrace.
I hurt so badly, no one cares
To see my tears.
I have no happy feelings in me,
I haven’t for sixteen years.
Nothing makes me happy,
That’s not the way it goes.
I hide all my pain with a fake smile …
I never let it show.
People will never see
Exactly who I am.
And even if they cared to try,
They’d never understand.
So, for now,
I sit here all alone.
I’m isolated from the entire world.
Forever lifeless,
Depressed, and
Full of tears…
An unhappy little girl.


Copyright, Nicole

We are hungry, girl, beware of our appetite.
Blood-curdling screams fill the air tonight.
Innocence is shattered.
As all three of them battered.
Her body lying there, lifeless.
The girl thinks, “How can they do this?!”
Their fists stinging, piranhas biting at her flesh.
But why should she even deserve any less?
The word “male” now arises instant fear.
She tries so hard to keep the confidence near.
Tearing her insides, the blood flowing free.
When they’re done with her, she barely can see.
Physical trespass, her body so violated.
Why did they have to be everything she hated?
“Knock her out, slap her face,
As long as no one sees, there’ll be no less grace.”
Kiss that burn, touch that bruise.
Three guys, one girl, her body being used.
Excruciating pain, her heart ripped out.
Do they all hate her? I have little doubt.
They hate what she stands for
I’m sure they’re laughing their way out.
She gets the last laugh, however,
This is the irony,
Because what she (and she alone) knows:
…you’re not the only one who can hurt me….


Copyright, Nicole

bleeding in silver because
red hurts too much.
scarred over skin that
used to be infantile.
tearing apart my body to
keep my mind in a state of
disassociation. keeping
away the feelings until i
become reptile. honey
pouring from skin worn
from the days gone by, but
this is not eternal. just a
way to feed the monsters
taking over, if i let you see
me tomorrow, you will still
see the angel i’ll
always have in me.

Beautiful Girl

Copyright, Nicole

Nobody wants
To dance with the beautiful girl
Nobody thinks
That she is really beautiful-
She runs her tongue across her
painted lips
Touches her hair, and
Smiles from her safe place

Nobody sees
The thoughts of the beautiful girl
Nobody knows
The place where she is hiding
She doesn’t seem to notice as they
All stand back
Her dress slips off her shoulder
She’s dancing on the
Dance floor all alone

Nobody likes
The scars on the beautiful girl
Nobody wants
To see the pain that clearly
She lets them show like patchwork
Foreign patterns on her body
They make a startling contrast
With her sharp stilletto heels

Nobody dares
Get close to the beautiful girl


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