Misunderstood Courage

Copyright, Brittany

I count on this moment
I pray I exist
I hunger for a savior to conquer my will
But in my heartaches, I loose myself
And climbing out from the darkness I become
A hedonistic fool of more hurt to come
But when will I listen
When will I try
To give up my sins and let the world pass me by
For I shutter in my dreams
And I think they are real
I don’t allow myself love
Or anything good
I’m undeserving and selfish
And in the nightmares and in the blood
I watch myself contradict death and light
I watch myself fall
And I pray I had the courage to say good-bye
But here I am breathing, alive

Undecided Pleading

Copyright, Brittany

It is just hard to figure out how to stop
From hurting those around me, including myself
Sometimes I just need a little extra help.

Sick of feeling like I have to hide
Everything I am, who I am inside.
I want you to know everything there is
About me and about what this is.
It s a disease, a problem uncontrolled sometimes
By things believed by me in my mind.
Things will happen, things will be said
That will leave me alone, still in my bed
Thinking of memories, reasons why
I sit all alone making me cut and cry.

But it s not always like this
I get so confused
On why I do what I do
When it s not felt every day.
Why at times there s still so much pain
But on others it s as great as can be
I guess I just have to figure out me.


Copyright, Brittany

I love to watch the lines appear,
I smile as you disappear.
Crimson tears run down my arm,
Red, beaded lines, erase the harm

The Last Song

Copyright, Brittany

I am sitting in my room
thinking of everything gone wrong.
I sit in a corner and cut away.
The radio is blaring my favorite song.

I dont understand why all this happened.
Why did I have to be so fucked up?
But I guess it was my destiny.
My fucking ‘good’ luck.

The cuts grow in number.
I counted 17 so far.
But the number goes up to 56.
Isnt this bizarre?

I didnt even realize
how many I had done.
I got lost inside my mind
thinking it had won.

The blood seems to keep flowing.
Now its all around.
More and more of my blood
is falling to the ground.

I hear the song ending,
and along with it goes my life.
No more pain to deal with.
No more never ending strife.

What You’ve Made Me

Copyright, Brittany

I don’t cut myself, but I do write about it. I think it’s a better outlet.

your words cut deeper than any blade ever could
pushing me to this
i only did it because you didn’t think i would

here you go
i’m a million broken pieces
you don’t even know
that you’re the reason.

you said i care too much
only because
you didn’t care enough.

first my tears fall freely
small depictions of what you’ve made me
and before i know it
the razor’s at my wrist.

i’m praying the red catches your attention
cause i’ve got nothing left.
this is my ultimate vengeance.

i’m realizing all too late
you never wanted me alive or dead
i’m bleeding out your hate

it feels so good to have freed myself of you.
but i’m gone too.


Copyright, Brittany

where has this life gone?
it seems so bland
depression has won,
theres a killer at hand

i feel like ive lost
i lost the lease
cuz i didnt pay the cost
it wasnt very cheap

the price was happpiness
joy, trust and love
but all i have is emptyness
even what my dreams are made of!

slowly im draining
all of my soul
slowly im dying
i resemble a black hole

i take many things in
but still dont know what they are
it all goes straight through
and i end up in despair

so now as i die
because theres nothing left for me
ill think of you
and what youre going to be

have fun with life
and never forget me please!


Copyright, Brittany

I am alone
can’t go on
can’t escape
I only do wrong
feeling bad
I am no one
sharp is the key
this is my freedom
this won’t always be my anwser
I am free for now
problems cease to exist
break away?
don’t know how
tell me im not crazy
though I feel it
I am alone
with no one around
they are here
but I can’t feel them
I am numb
I wish they could see
they will never know
I am suffering
can’t break away
in too much pain
I am alone
no one can save me now
I won’t let them
I don’t want them too
I am alone and I hate the feeling


Copyright, Brittany

In my mind I see fire,
fire that kills,
fire that destroys,
fire that describes my emotions,
Anger, hatred, confusion, and rebeliion.
Is it the fire or me for the way I feel?
Can’t you see how you hurt me?
Can’t you see the pain I have inside?
What is your reason for what you did?
For I will never know, I cant know.
Because I will never understand.
But in my heart I still love you and in my heart I forgive you,
because I know that you love me too.


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