Copyright, Madison

I remember the first time I did it, I was twelve. Only three days before my thirteenth birthday I was in the shower and just broke down. I had so many emotions and I knew that I just wasn’t in control anymore. I was crying as I usually did while I was showering and then I just looked at the razor. And for a couple of seconds I just lost my breath. At that point I was so scared of what I was going to do. Because everyone around me saw me as the perfect child the role model friend pretty prefect body. And then I just did it on my left arm and on my hand. I wore long sleeves to try and hide but it was starting to get warm so t-shirts came a few days after. The second time I did it was on my birthday on the back of my right hand the skin around turned purple and there was no chance that long sleeves could help. Then I bought myself bracelets. They hurt like hell but I knew I couldn’t let people know. Then I couldn’t handle it anymore so I went to one of my closest friends Dani. I asked to borrow one of her wrist bands and she asked why so I showed her so she lent me one. Then that night the night after my birthday I was with my best friend and she asked “Madison what’s up with you lately, and don’t give me the whole I’m fine routine because something is wrong?” So I showed her. I don’t think I have ever let anyone down so bad. Then she decided to tell one of our very close teachers (to this day she still denies it was her who told but I know it was her). But after like a day then I was in the counsellor office explaining what had happened. For like three months I had no privacy and I had body checks. Now I’m back to my old ways. I still do it not as much and very small not to kill but to reassure that I am in control of my life.


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