Marcus Qu


Copyright, Marcus Qu

My name is Marcus. I am a nineteen year old male, living in New York City. I lived a boring childhood with few friends. That changed when I fell in love with a girl name Stephanie. I knew her for a year but didn’t start having feelings for her until that day we were at a park and had a water balloon fight. It was really fun and we exchanged ICQ numbers. A few weeks after chatting with her, I started having feelings for her. We started a relationship. Like any relationships, we had lots of fights too. Certain fights made me so depressed, that I started looking online for poetry to read for comfort. And there were plenty of times I broke down enough to cut myself. I found this site a year ago, I even showed this site to my girlfriend. She got really sad seeing me cutting myself and reading depression poems, I promised her I wouldn’t cut myself anymore. But of course there were times where I couldn’t hold it in and I discreetly cut myself, but she found the cuts anyway. Eventually, I visited this site less and less and I haven’t cut myself since then. This month is me and Steph’s two year anniversary. But she ended the relationship a week ago. For the first time in my life, I knew the true meaning of solitude. I locked myself in my room and cried for hours until my feelings inside were emptied. Day after day, the loneliness came back. This week was the longest week I ever experienced. I cried and begged her to come back but it was useless. I’ve thought of numerous suicide methods but what would that change?

Anyway, this is my story. I know it’s little related to cutting or self-abuse, but I feel like it could belong. I know there’s lots of people who also cut because of girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, this is just to let you people know that you’re not alone. This website is the greatest thing I’ve ever found and I’m glad for all the people who contribute to all the stories. Live on with your life best you could. Contact me through e-mail if you wish.

With You or Death

Copyright, Marcus Qu

I want you and I need you. I’m sorry if there isn’t a better way. You’ve made your decision, to not hurt me anymore by leaving me. What difference does that make? You’re hurting me even more. Now I’ve made my decision because I just can’t take being me anymore. I want to tell my mom not to get me new clothes, I won’t be around to wear them. I want to tell my friends thanks for their friendship, I was able to make it to this day. I want to tell you I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve put you through. I’m sorry we’ve had to end it. I want to tell myself I had a purpose in life, too bad I won’t be alive to prove it. I’m sorry I can’t help it. All you thought about was hurting me, but you don’t know the happiness you bring me when I’m with you. You don’t know how much you’re hurting me now, not being with me. Now I have nothing in life.


Copyright, Marcus Qu

The times we’ve spent together,
just flew by
Didn’t realize it before,
but now I know why
Feel so stupid for not knowing better,
Want to say sorry
for treating you so bitter
The fights we’ve had,
fought or pushed aside
But in the end, I come out…
missing you inside… my heart


Copyright, Marcus Qu

I am alone in this world
And it’s very dark tonight
Alone in a place of nowhere under the dark sky
And I am with no one else but myself
My mind is clouded with confusion
My knees weak enough to tremble
My arms shaking, I can’t hold still
My chest feels as if it’s about to collapse
I tried, I tried hard, and I tried again
Tried everything I could to calm myself down
And so I let go of everything else I’ve been holding on to
This weight on my heart slowly goes away
Now I can be more confident…
There is nothing in this world that can hold my feelings down again
My heart is alone but free, no more tears tonight


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