I Self-Injure

Copyright, Maru

I self injure. I’ve always done it, ever since I can remember but it wasn’t very obvious because I would hit my head against a wall or hit myself or something that didn’t leave a mark. It then escalated to scratching with needles until I punctured my skin. The first time it was supposed to be a homemade tatoo, but I discovered that it didn’t hurt and I actually felt better afterwards.

I always scratched my arms and my legs with needles because I was afraid to do it with a knife because I thought it would hurt. Now I do it with a knife and it feels good. I like to see my blood and afterwards I admire my scars.

The cuts aren’t deep or serious, they look like cat scratches. But I am afraid of it becoming worse. I feel like a junkie. I have to do more damage to get the same effect. I also think about it constantly. It can be a good day or a bad day, whatever, and I always think about it, and want to do it.

I like doing it. I don’t mind what I am doing right now, I just don’t want it to get worse.


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