Megan Louise

Copyright Megan Louise

I’m sixteen and I’ve just started college, I’m not really sure why I cut, but when I put things together what happened to me in the past, it kind of builds up.

When I was younger my dad used to hit me and throw things at me, but it stopped after he realised we wouldn’t take that shit anymore and started to hit him back and throw things back at him. I started cutting when I was about six or seven but my mum found out and I told her I’d never to do it again. At school I used to get picked on because I was different. When I got to high school I made a new group of friends who where OK at first then they started to bully me and it made me really depressed. When I was thirteen I couldn’t cope anymore and I tried to commit suicide and also started cutting. I just woke up one day and I think that everything just got to much for me and I just found as many pills as I could find and took them, and fell asleep waiting to die. The next thing I know I woke up in a hospital bed. Got sent to therapy which really there was no point in going, it was just two women sat there with never ending smiles on their face. That really made me even more depressed, they did say that I had depression. When I got back to school I started to hang around with a new crowd, they really helped me but after a bit I just broke away from them even though I did stay good friends with them. I now started college I been there for three weeks it’s good and I enjoy it but it’s really confusing, and I have started cutting again. I did meet a lad I known him since primary school but never really talked to him but now we have been put in the same class together and we started getting on really well, then he found out about me cutting and asked me why I did it but I couldn’t explain it. But instead of making me feel like a weirdo he was really nice, he told me about things that had happened to him and I told him things about me. Then I thought I’d be able to stop cutting with his help because he acted like he wanted to help me but then something changed about him and I kept on cutting really badly and they where deep cuts too. Now when I wake up in the morning I think about dying and killing myself, and how easy it is to kill yourself and how hard it is to keep alive. I can’t wait till the day that I die because that will be the happiest day of my life. I don’t want to live anymore.


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