Morbid Faery

My Story

Copyright, Morbid Faery

It all started in 8th grade (a year ago). I was going out with someone I really liked for so long and maybe even loved. I was starting to feel depressed and even wanted to hurt myself. Then my boyfriend broke up with me and that triggered everything. I fell into this world that even now I can’t escape from, even though now I see a therapist and take Zoloft the sadness remains but feel I’m getting better. I had even gone three and a half weeks without cutting or drinking which made me so happy, but one morning last week I woke up to find cuts on my arm, I had done it in my sleep without even knowing I was doing it. I told one of my therapists that I had done that and she said it was OK because I have only done it once and probably wouldn’t do it again. See I’m one of those people who walks around in their sleep and talks also so for me to do that I guess isn’t so surprising to me. I’ve even put things away in my sleep, even cleaned my room! (Not a normal thing for me to do.) But it really scared me because I had no control over how deep I did it or anything. I don’t even know what I used so I hope I never do do it in my sleep ever again because I didn’t have a way of controlling it. But now I’m going back out with this guy again and he’s even more into drugs than he was before and he is heavily depressed and runs away a lot. This doesn’t help me at all but I help him so I feel better. I refuse to break up with him just because he is making me feel worse sometimes. He really helps me too. Most people don’t understand him and don’t like him at all but I don’t know how but I really don’t think I could make it through all this shit if he wasn’t a part of my getting better.

My Story — Part 2

Copyright, Morbid Faery

Alright, so I said I wouldn’t break up with him. Well, just recently I got really bad and couldn’t control the cutting so we are taking a break. But he doesn’t get that we aren’t goin out now and he is even more obsessive and being really weird so does anyone have any idea on what I should do? If you read this please help.

But anyways he got so mad at me tonight because I was hanging out with him and he said we were going back out so I told him we weren’t and he got so mad. I don’t know what to do.

He threatened my friend because he had his arm around me. This is getting out of hand… To be continued…

Dec. 24. 2003

Copyright, Morbid Faery

Well, now the boyfriend I’ve been writing about is self injuring too because of me. It’s all my fault and I feel there is no way to stop now, too much pain…

January 2004

Copyright, Morbid Faery

I’m sorry to whoever has been reading my story, I kinda left you on a depressing note. I quit cutting for a month then started up again, I stopped going out with people because I felt that was the problem but it seems that the problem is deeper than I thought. Maybe I will try therapy again or maybe I will just try on my own to be happier and more positive. The thing is I just don’t want to tell my parents because they will want to see my arms. I absolutly hate showing people, it scares me to the point where I will run from them. The Zoloft quit working, and now they have me on something else for my stomach, and soon I will be going to a doctor to see why I can’t sleep. I hope for the best.

Love you all. Keep safe.

Febuary 7th 2004

Copyright, Morbid Faery

I’m going back out with Chris again and am happy as ever. I made a little vile of blood necklace for him…

Love ya all.

July 7th 2004

Copyright, Morbid Faery

I broke up with him. Good thing because I realized he was only hurting me. Cutting has gone on and off for me, right now it’s on. I’m on Lexapro now, and have a new therapist, things are much better for me.


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