Copyright, Marg

I am 14 and I have been cutting for around 4 years. This year it has just started to come out. All my friends at school have seen my cuts and asked me about them and because I live with a cat I would always blame it on her. I have been rushed to hospial a few times and one of my friends had seen me there and found out what the cuts were really from. So the day I got back to school the word had gotten around to almost the whole school.

Everyone came up to me and would pull at my arms trying to look at the scars. Which the cuts I had made were really deep. I would listen to all my friends bitch about me saying I’m only doing it so everyone will notice me! But that is bullshit! I don’t want anyone to see me! I don’t want anyone in my life to know what I do to myself! Once I heard almost all my friends saying forget it she only wants us to think she is in pain. I was so upset I went home grabbed the knife and cut nonstop for at least 3 hours.

I cut my legs, my arms, my tummy and my neck. I didn’t feel the pain anymore. For the next hour I just lied in bed with all my cuts bleeding, I felt free. The next day when I went back to school I didn’t talk to anyone. I just sat in class crying… And when people asked me what was wrong I would just tell them to leave me alone. For the next 2-3 weeks I didn’t talk to anyone. I would cut for a few hours each day. Then I tried to kill myself again. My friends then came to realise they are the only people keeping me here! Without their love I would be dead! I still cut but I wear things to cover the scars! It is really hard to cover them! I love my life of selfharm, and I would never stop! Never stop for noone!

There are people who think I’m a crazy bitch for doing this but they don’t know what I am going through, and maybe they never will so my one wish is that they would shut their fucking mouths. They don’t know what they are fucking talking about and I can’t stand the pain they put me through. People think they help me but telling me that they are there for me and telling me that they know it’s hard but I will be able to stop; well, people, you’re not helping me, you’re just killing me inside!


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