Life as I Know It

Copyright, Mandie

For the past year my life has been a living hell. I have gone through so much shit for me it’s unbelievable. My dad has beat me so many times I can’t keep count. People have been treating me so horrible becuase of the way I act and dress. They constantly call me names like whore or slut. Well just this year I got kicked out of my school because about five girls tried to gang up on me and put my shit all out in the open. They were making fun of me, they took plastic knifes and pretended to cut themselves, and were like ‘look, I’m Mandie, I’m so sad I’m just gonna go cut myself’ and then they started talking about my dad beating me and saying that he rapes me and shit. And that pissed me the fuck off. Well my girlfriend Ale (wasn’t my girlfriend at the the time) had gotten into a fight with three of the girls (well actually they make up the size of twenty people) and I had left from all the drama, and that’s when shit got worse. Almost everyone knew about me cutting and my dad beating me. And the thing that hurts the most is nobody tried to help me out with anything. Well the day before my sister’s birthday my dad and I had got into a huge fight and he beat my ass and smashed my head into the wall and shit. I had called my oldest sister up and her and her boyfrined came to get me and took me to my friend Tiny’s house. I stayed there for about a week then my dad started bitchin saying he wanted me home now. And see my mom never knew I was bi and my girlfriend’s mom knew and wasn’t happy at all. And in March me and my girlfiend were both sent to hospitals for cutting and suicide attempts. Ale’s mom had beat her with a pipe and she ran away to my house, and not too long after she left my house that night (March 19th 2005) her mom and real dad and step dad came to my house lookin for her. They had the cops and everything. I lied and said she wasn’t with me and I haven’t seen her at all and she called while the cops were there and I told her to call back in ten minutes and the cops knew it was her so I was sent to the police station. Ale’s mom had found all my letters I wrote her and gave them to the cops. And what was in them were only ment for Ale to read because it was horrible. The cops talked to me for about four hours and I finally told them where ale was and they got her to the police station. She went willingly to the hospital, while I was handcuffed and forced to go because my condition was so bad. I had flipped out on the cops and almost hit one. And the worst part about all this was Ale’s little sister had seen me get arrested and I love this girl to death, so it hurt. But after I got out, I went right back in because I had slit my wrist a couple of times. After that was all said and done I had to go see a shrink and I was diagnosed with bipolar. And my Ale was diagnosed with depression and bipolar. But till this day I am still cutting because people are just so ignorant and don’t know how to leave me alone, and I’m fighing to stay with Ale. She just moved in with her dad (April 2005) and her dad actually likes me and approves of us and let’s me see her all the time. But what I want you people to know is cutting isn’t the easiest thing. I have hurt people I love while people have hurt me. And no matter what I do I can’t seem to stop cutting or burning myself, it just gets much worse. My life will never be the same again all thanks to my dad and people breaking me down mentally and physically.


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