Tears of Hate

Copyright, Lintu

Don’t know why I did it,
I don’t understand,
why I cut so deep,
when everythings okay.

Stop the blood,
ease the suffering,
ashamed that I’ve resorted to this once more,
can’t believe I hurt yet again.

I’m so confused sometimes,
but the pain feels so good,
like everythings released.

I’m ashamed,
like I’ve failed you somehow,
like your dissapointed,
when the blood is there to see,
opening the wounds just upsets you more.

I’m so sorry,
these are tears of hate I cry,
I hate myself for living,breathing,wasting.

I hate myself for doing this to myself,
hurting others,
and mostly for hurting you.

I don’t deserve to live,
don’t cut through the blue rivers in my arms,
not too deep.

No,God doesn’t accept suicide,
won’t accept my soul,
for betraying his rules,
his commandments.

Do it beacause,
I get upset,
lost inside,need to be found,
so I relieve the pain and cut.

Can’t be Forced to See Anymore

Copyright, Lintu

Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your image pass me,
I try to empty my head,
clear my mind,
force myself to see.

Everyday I hear my screams,
I try to block the sounds away,
but its always in my mind,
I struggle through yet another day.

Everyday I sit here,crying once more,
its more than I can take,
I sit here feeling useless,
I feel like such a fake.

My head is pounding,
ready to explode,
consumed and overtaken,
by my burden,my load.

Held and captured by my fears,
and by my screams,
eachday I wake up shaking,
having died in my dreams.

So I try to smother,
I feel like such a whore,
so sick and tired of living,
don’t want to face life anymore.

And as I lay there screaming,
my head throbbing from the pain,
I swallow the pills and slash,
my attempt at suicide again.

Wouldn’t it be easier,
for me to wake up dead,
isn’t it easier not to see again,
wake again,
or move from this bed.

Another Day…

Copyright, Lintu

I sit here,
I’m crying once again,
my emotions are taking over,
as I slowly start to fall.

I see the light,
my reflection,
Is this me?
its a face I don’t recongise,
a face I can’t register.

Tear stained and full of anger,
How can this be me?
Wheres the smile I fake?
Wheres the bright,concealing,forseeing eyes?
wheres the happinness I pretend to be full off?.

All I see is a girl,
pale faced and shaking,
marks from where the tears have fallen.

How could I have changed so much?
How can this be me?
I reach for the blade,
no-one realises my full potetional.

I wondre why I suffer,
I know I’m not perfect,
I know my heart is cold,
and I know my heart is dead.

I have feelings in ways unimaginable,
I feel so much rage,jelousy,hate,
that no-one understands.

Theres rarely a day,
that I wake up wishing I wasn’t dead,
eachday is another day that I suffer in silence,
and everydays a time that I slowly start to fade away,
a day I slowly die more inside,
a day I wish I didn’t have to face.

Please Don’t Do This

Copyright, Lintu

Dont do this to yourself,
I cant bear to see you cry,
please stop these tears from falling,
please stop the blood from flowing.

You know it isnt right,
that you shouldnt be doing this,
you know that its their fault,
that your not the one to blame.

You didnt ask them to hurt you,
or make you cry,
I know that you do,
and you hide how you feel from them,
but it will be okay,
you’ll get over it.

Please dont do this to yourself,
I cant bear to see you die,
please stop these tears from falling,
please stop the blood from flowing.

You know this isnt right,
that you dont deserve to die,
their the ones who are wrong,
just keep telling yourself that…

You didnt ask them to hurt you,
or make you want to die,
stop hiding how you feel,
tell them,
its not fair on you.

Please dont do this to yourself,
please dont close your eyes,
please dont say goodbye,
dont let yourself cry…
dont give up please…
I dont want to die…


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