Promises and Release

Copyright, Lupus

Pin prick skin in controlled injury-
Not the same as mutilation,
Pain in head fit to exploding,
Crumbled fist in punching flame,
Clench, release, clench, clench…
Skin vibrant in grasp-
Bazaar razor twisting path,
Tempting the promise of release.
Voices talking, I’m believing-
I know from past, the spoken truth.
Fighting my habit of self-harm.
The longer I battle, the harder I fall,
The deeper the slice of meat,
The more my skin crawls.
Giving in to this coping thing-
Course’s hiding it,
Pain, stress and long sleeves-
I feel so forlorn.

Living It

Copyright, Lupus

Smelling it, tasting it, breathing it-
The want is an uncontrolable desire,
Rubbing skin with flatten palm,
Caressing self-harm, away from harm.
Fighting the cutting in running streams,
Knowing the deed will course distruction.
My breathing is heavy, suffication is nearing,
Constricting my throat from want and yearning.
Turning cold turkey, sweating and screaming,
To release the preasure with blood over-flowing.
Sleep no-longer on my menu-
While fighting the Devils call,
Pulling of hair, keeping as treasure,
Distracts the blade when wanting and yearning,
Shaken, not stirred with end inevitable.

A statement of mind

Copyright, Lupus

There is no pain, while skin does burn,
Bubble abd blister, bubble and blister-
Blade removes blackened skin.
Oozing puss, weeping limb.
Freed from repulsion on contact.
Scrubbed with bleach, burnt with petrol,
Removed from my frame,
Leaving me sicken and repulsed-
As to this act of revulsion.
Immerse the disfigured limb in acid bath,
While burnt flesh sinks-
Detached forever, dirty no-more.
Burning sits heavy in my head-
The flame draws mw in, to do it again.
They say it will be great, it will remove the disgused-
Cutting don’t seem to enter in,
When burning flame grows within.
But then this blackened skin-
Smells foul and want to remove-
So cutting returns as a frenzied thing.


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