Copyright Doris


In the darkness I cry.
I wish you were there to watch me die.
How I longed for your presence.
I bow my head in silence.

The world is much better now.
It’s hard to pinpoint how.
No one is listening to me.
No one has to be.

I am forgotten and I am gone.
Now it’s up to Him to lead me home.
I have left the earth for a better place.
Where I go now is up to His Grace.

Hell is where I remain.
I could never imagine this much pain.
I hurt a million times more than I did up there.
But here there is not a soul to care.

How did I get here?
Please God make it clear.
I must have cut too deep that night.
I must have thought I was right.

I was so wrong; I thought they’d be better off.
No matter how much they cry it’s never enough.
I thought my funeral would be family alone.
But there they stood — everyone I’d ever known.

I thought death would make the pain go away.
But in agony will I eternally stay.
How could I be so wrong?
I should of known I was strong.

I left to relieve them of me.
But all I see are tears and agony.
Everyone is sad now, everyone in pain.
Yet this situation will always remain.

I cannot take back my action.
Not even a fraction.
It is done; it is over.
But now we all suffer.

I shouldn’t be here.
There is far too much to fear.
Death made it so much worse.
Somebody call back the hearse.

I long to return to my old life.
Somebody take away my knife.
I want to live the rest of my hours.
Somebody cancel the flowers.

I want to see the sun; I want to see the mud.
Somebody mop up all the blood.
I want to see a smile on my face.
Somebody put me back in my place.

There is no possibility of return.
No matter how much I yearn.
There is nowhere to run.
What’s done is done.

I was wrong — that I can clearly see.
I just never imagined this would happen to me.
I am dead.
And God rejected me just like He said.

I didn’t know what was going on.
I should have listened to my friends all along.
They said they would miss me.
I just never thought it could be.

Everything is horrible now that I’ve gone.
Who’d have thought that one person could be so wrong?
I now see all my mistakes.
There is no chance of re-takes.

I was selfish; I was stupid.
I only wish I knew it.
Now there is nowhere to run.
What’s done is done.

Waiting for Death

Death is near.
Her icy breath swallows the back of my neck.
I feel her near — right beside me.
What is she waiting for? What am I?
Soon we will be together for all eternity.
She and I, hand in hand.
Death will consume me — and I her.
We’re just standing here waiting — what for?
I am ready — I see that now.
If I stayed here my misery would drown me.
I must leave and be free of this pain.
Take me away, sweet Death.
We are all waiting.
There is nothing ahead of me.
And nothing but pain behind.
Let me be free of it.
It drowns me and I cannot breathe.
I am gasping for breath and my heart slows down.
Waiting, waiting, waiting — waiting.


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