It’s All My Fault

Copyright, Jamie

It is all my fault
that I have to wear long sleeve tee shirts
and long pants when it’s 97 degrees outside…
I feel the sweat dripping on my face
but then I’m reminded
that it is all my fault

And It’s all my fault
that I have to live in fear
that I may leave one of the many scars
out to show, bearing my soul for the world to see.
And it’s all my fault,
that my own blood stained the
perfectly beige carpet in my room,
And I had to move my bed to cover it up.
Because of my own stupidity.

It’s all my fault,
that my perfect family is afraid of me
and that my mother hates me
my friends just want to help me,
but I’m to scared to let feelings show.
and it’s all my fault
that when my father asked me if I needed help
and if I needed a therapist,
I laughed and said ‘yeah right.’
and it’s all my fault because,
I really did need someone to talk to.

And it’s all my fault,
that even though I know i’m hurting everyone
I’m selfish enough to still put that razor
to my skin, night after night.
And that I’m to fucked up,
that I can’t even admit the problem out loud
even though I stare at the scars for hours.

It’s all my fault,
and I know it.

As Crazy as it Sounds

Copyright, Jamie

I’d love to rip myself apart
Just so I could show you
My rotting flesh and heart
You could take my organs
And do with them as you please
Explore and destroy me
With your violent expertise
Do you find it tempting?
The thought of eating me alive?
Sipping on my blood
This fantasy, I can’t deprive
I encourage you to hurt me
Kiss me; bite my cheek
Rip away my skin
Leave me looking like a freak
I’d love to rip you apart
And choke you with your bladder
Mangle with your blood and guts
one more step up the suicide ladder
Slashing open my wrists
Blood pouring down my hands
I feel no pain, just ecstasy
My mind aches and expands
Sew them up Jamie
We don’t want to die just yet
This will leave a lovely scar
another you won’t forget

Like Demon Horses

Copyright, Jamie

The fierce waves race to the shore
Begging for my company
As misery does
I take off my shirt
My shoes, my pants
Walk down naked
On the sand
The rain is hard
And hits me like ice crystals
But that won’t stop me
My last vision:
A cold stormy night,
Lighthouse in the distance
This night suffers
And so shall I
I slowly enter the malicious sea
Water so cold
So cold it burns
I’d rather burn
Than be alone again
I’m sinking, I’m numb
I hit the bottom and it’s gone


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