My Problem…

Copyright, Airessa

Hurt too many times,
My life is made of lies.
Like a protection for me,
They prevent anyone getting close.
Prevent me getting let down again.
No one can really know me,
The real me.
If I don’t even know myself.
I’ve lived the lies so long,
That I can never go back.
Stuck in a false me.
In this fake reality.
With fictional beliefs,
And imaginary restraints.
Have I submitted to if too soon?
Or have I never been free.
Trapped inside what should protect me.
My soul blackened.
Love broken.
Faith lost.
And yet another hated day.

Fake Smiles for a Fake Life.

Copyright, Airessa

Memories arise,
I’ve lost my control,
My tainted sanity now decreasing,
Used, Abused, Abandoned.
Tears fall,
It seems I’ve lost it all.
All that was once valued gone.
Everything worth anything,
Evaporated before my eyes.
I don’t know how I lost it,
But it’s never coming back.
And so the blades, they call.
And tell me they’ll erase it all.
Once again I’m stupid enough to listen.
And once again I’m left with bleeding scars.

It’s All I Know…

Copyright, Airessa

Taken this too far.
Yet I’m left without a scar.
Do you know the pain I feel,
Did you think this could be me?
Blades I’ve dug into my arm,
Physical scars I’ve many,
The guilt I felt was unbearable,
Now I feel nothing, I’m numb.
Allergic to emotion,
I soon became immune.
Now it’s easy to turn off,
Except when I’m with you.
Can you not see how much his hurts?
If you said stop I would, but no.
I don’t think you see me suffering,
I never give a hint of pain.
And yet I see you standing there,
And I’m reaching out in vain.
Why wont you tell to just to stop?
Yet to let go would be so easy.
I could do it if you said I could
I wouldn’t want to but I would.
Can you feel pain if you are numb?
That’s what I’m feeling now, I’m sad.
And I long for you, my everything.
And I’m cutting through the pain.


Permanent location: