Copyright Amber

Anger floods me,
Decisions cross me,
Blood escapes me,
Scars mark me,
Who am I?
If you won’t let me,
Control me.

The Addict

Copyright Amber

The addict,
To everything
Trust isn’t there
Faith isn’t there
Friendship isn’t there
Only one chance
To do something
No one will ever
The thrill
The rush
In beads
The cuts
The scars
Without the feeling
No feeling
It’s the difference
Between the norm
And the addict

Never Alone In My Past

Copyright Amber

Every time I shut my eyes, it’s his face in the dark
I can’t sleep nights
I shut my eyes and I see his face as if it was never gone
It’s forever burned into my mind
Time will pass but this feeling will never pass,
Gone, forgotten, no longer with us,
But always with in me,
The deep dark holes you left with in my body
No one can see but I can only feel
You put me here never to tell a sol what
You have done to me in the past
Every time I want to feel free or maybe just the old me
I look to a face that’s always looking back at me
I can’t sleep at night, not even when no ones home
Forgotten no, not for me, not after what you have done to me
Gone, NEVER! It lives on every day, I kiss my boyfriend
I can’t even tell him why I’m scared to make sweet love to him
The face that lives with in my head will never fade
Its like a old dream that knows me by name
I see him there standing over me, yelling,
Hitting, braking my world down
I see it as if I’m living it over, again and again alone in my head
I shut the world out and I hated you!
Why me, how the fuck could you!
I needed a friend, and you took away my life
I can’t look at my self the same any more
I don’t even want to live my life any more
I don’t want to see what haves become of me just because of you
The deep dark lies that live with in, just make me cry
I have not forgotten any of the lies you pulled
Now the face that’s forever left in my mine is a man
That shouldn’t have life
He has taken mine, but not just in one way
‘he raped me’ and he still walks away free today
But me what do I have, what do I need
I’m alone and I didn’t do a thing wrong
Am I the only one you hurt this bad,
am I the only girl you killed with in
You didn’t have to kill my body to kill what once lived with in
That bad bad man took away my life, now I must live a sad life to
I cant even feel safe in my boyfriends arms,
Or cant help but think could he do that to?
My life is over, and I’m only 17, I couldn’t really ever
Feel free again knowing you could be there
in the shadows waiting.
But how can I tell a man about what I hide inside,
if I’m scared to tell my self
A man that loves me and wants to spend maybe his life with me
And all I can do is hide the life that lives with
in my deep dark cold past

Am I Human

Copyright Amber

my body
I am numb dumb speechless
my small red box holds all the answers
noting fondly my favorite three
I pick up the one with the serrated edge
and slice open the old battle scars
I seek the question of existing as human
I have a body with an empty void
until I bleed
am I human

Why I Cut

Copyright Amber

I cut…
I cut my body when im feeling down..
When you cut you don’t feel the pain…
I love to see the blood. Drip, flows like tear drops
Its like realeasing your anger pain sadness…
It makes me happy…but all it realy dose
Is leaves me scars.. that slowly fade..but the pain remands the same
People think its for attention,…but I just cant
Help it. Its adictive…like a drug.. it’s a sickness
Just one of these days im going to cut to d e e p…no more amberr
They just don’t understand… I have to write this feeling so I wont cut
Body I promised my friends and mom I wouldn’t but I cant help my self
It screams my name,. and every time I cut it getts a little deeper
Im just d I e n’ to cutt … cuttin to die… I need help..
will somebody Please help me? Be for its to late…
and will you remeber me? Amber?
or will I just slowly fade in your memories…

Lifes Pain

Copyright Amber

I drag the razor
And the blood bubbles up
It hurts, but I laugh
My mind is fucked up.

The pain is just plan wonderful
And I sit and I giggle
I watch myself bleed
My head hurts a little.

My foes won’t have to worrie about me
In a while I’ll be gone
The pain has turned to numbness
Is what I’m doing wrong.

But I really dont care
They never made me feel welcome
I was always a outsider
Who often asked herself “howcome”

But now I know why
As I sit and I cry
It’s no longer funny
Will I get wings and fly.

Is there a heaven
Is there a hell
I guess I’ll find out
Maybe I won’t o well.

Someone will find me
I’ll be dead by then
It will be a while
Cause I never had a real friend.

No one to love me
No one to miss me
No one to hug me
No one to kiss me.

No one to notice I’m gone
To notice I’m not there
No one to think something is wrong
No one to even care.

As I drift away
I think about these things
How no one cared
And all the pain life brings.


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