Captivated Eclipse

Wanted To Die

Copyright, Captivated Eclipse

I feel like I am trapped, beneath my own skin.
It seems to be transparent, showing what’s within.
Not matter how hard I might try, I cannot conceal.
A tale of depression, not knowing what is real.

Zombie expressions with dark glass eyes,
Hidden deceit and backstabbing lies.
Unheard laughter with smothered cries,
Lost exhales containing agonizing sighs.

Seas of tears with no boat to sail,
Carrying on with my distorted fairy tale.
No babies atop clouds, or angels with harps,
Just barbed wire flesh and fragile hearts.

Painted with blood and etched into stone,
Realization comes to me that I am but alone.
There is so much pain, feels like I am dying,
But, I wanted to die, so why am I crying?

Lost underneath my own self hate,
No one is perfect; what I will debate.
So many scars, on my soul and on my arm,
Why did I do this to myself?
Causing all this self harm.

My parents call me negative, truth is, I’m not.
You would be like me if you had such a secret.
And spend each time doing more when your caught.

Its a type of addiction, a cavernous spell.
It only brings me down deeper to my imaginary hell.
There is a odd sense of pleasure in all of my pain,
When my tormented eyes of sin are washed with rain.

Using deduction, I’m stripped of my pride,
All of these rules are so hard to abide.
And even know to the world a smile is lying,
Inside you see I am still left crying.

My facade eventually is struck and it withers and does break.
So society is flooded with all that is and was fake.
Behind my wall my troubles hide,
But attempting to release them I know I have tried.

Through all my torture, I have been tattered and torn,
My death shall come soon and no one will mourn.
And no one will notice or shed a tear,
Because I was nothing; the only thing clear.

And as you love my pain, skin and death,
Finding so much ecstasy in my last fallen breath.
One tear from me, and it feels like I’m dying,
I wanted to die, so why am I crying?


Copyright, Captivated Eclipse

Close your eyes and fall back into that dream,
forget anyone is even here release each scream.
Thinking of your own death, and it’s comforting you,
hating each and every breath, from the last one you drew.

Allow the tears to fill the empty lump in your throat,
let the paper fall from hand, another unfinished suicide note.
Looking up at the ceiling, watching as it fades away,
there is no time for weakness you’ll greive another day.

Trying to provide that rapture, and turn your heart to stone,
you think that you’re better off dead, you’re better off alone.
Never stop saying no, can’t turn it down this time,
just one simple slash, you say, one small line.

Crying now, and rolling over to the bed side,
questioning exaclty when was it you last cried?
Pulling out the note and giving it a flip,
starting to write as shattered tears continue to drip.

Hand is shaking as it grips it’s pen,
it’s hard to write a poem, a word, a letter,
when you’re crying when being done.
Nothing is ever seeming to get better.

So you tear it into small fractions, throw it away,
and curl up in bed and think about how to pray.
Never had a god, every single angel has fell,
Never did believe in heaven and life is considered hell.

Heart is beating a million miles every second,
it’s going to fast to catch the right pace.
Wanting to throw up at the very thought,
like the glass to much, why not throw away your face?

It’s frightening isn’t it? To know how cold it can get.
It’s scary isn’t it? When you’ll to anything to forget.
Why would you ever want to die…
When it’s not like this is a real life, when you’re living a lie.


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