Cocoa

My Choice

Copyright Cocoa

Lord I cut and cut
I’m in search of peace
in search of comfort.

anger, rage, hatred
frustration, loneliness, resentment,
my shame to bind.

I cut, I hide,
I feel, I lie.

Once in the arms of grace
I’ve fallen so far,
and no longer see your face.

My life, my hell, my choice?

What choice did I have—
but to drag the blade
across my skin—
across my thoughts

My choice— my prayer
my life— my hell

this hell of hiding hope,
and dying love.

O God what have I done?

I dont deserve your love,
dont deserve your grace—

I’ve fucked everything up—
even this life you have for me.

This life I live is not my own,
but yours to give—

and yet I stole it from you…

I live a life of lies and deceit
a web of chaos and false fantasies.

What is life, and where are you?