My Secret of Regret

Copyright, Chloe

I sit and i stare.
I daze for a while.
Thinking about it,
Never sinks in.
So i stop.
Reach under my pillow.
Searching for my secret.
Familiar object.
I’ve abused this before.
Holding out my canvas.
White but not pure.
Take a deep breath -
As i have times before.
I begin my release.
Sometimes quick.
Sometimes slow.
I never feel it though.
Then i do.
The tingle of drying blood.
The aftermath of my game.
My addicition.
My saviour.
My last line.

Only God Knows

Copyright, Chloe

I am a self harmer, age twelve, and sometimes I write poetry to keep me from hurting myself. I am also very suicidal at times, so here’s a poem I wrote during those times.

Only god knows where my soul goes
When there’s nothing left to expose
And there’s no life left to live
And there’s nothing left to give
Only god knows where my soul goes
After no high and endless lows
I’m so sorry I had to do this
But I couldn’t pull through this

Dear mom and dad, don’t be sad just cuz I cried
It’s not your fault I went mad and died
It’s not anybody’s fault anymore right now
Don’t know how it started- only god knows quite how
I’m so sorry I murdered your baby girl
But she’d had enough from this horrible world
Dearest mom and dad please, please don’t cry
Don’t be sad because she’s happier to die

And dearest friends who I love without an end
There will be a time when your broken hearts will mend
I’m so sorry I took away the friend you once had
It was selfish of me to take it from you no matter how sad
I was, it doesn’t matter anymore however
Because if she stayed alive she’d be too dead to tell the weather
I put you all before me, and I was always put behind
And I didn’t want a place to rest, as long as you could unwind
I’m so sorry it had to be this way, I’d change if I could
But depression convinced me that I really should
Even in death I will always be there for you
I want you to know that I endlessly care for you
I’m so sorry I am crying, but it’s too bad that I’m dying
I hope none of you were relying on me cuz I’m sick of trying…

And to my grandma, the one and only person I’d die for
And whenever she frowns, she’s the one that I’d cry for
I can’t believe I’d be so selfish to take me from your love
I just hope I make it to heaven cuz then I’ll see you above
I know that’s where you’re going cuz you’re an angel, don’t you know
Every time I talk to you I see your angel wings show
You don’t deserve to feel the pain I’m giving to you right now
I’m so sorry I’m so selfish and I don’t even know how
I could bring myself to do this to you, please forgive me
I just couldn’t find the strength to continue to live, see?

Self Inflicted Pain

Copyright, Chloe

Pure white skin,
Smooth, soft to touch.
Innocent and unsullied.
Crystal clear, no scratch.

Shiny, shimmering object.
Sharp, painless fear.
Shattered into pieces,
Ruins the clear.

Quick movements,
Violent intense slash.
Evil sets in,
Release beginnings.

Red, crimson emotions,
Tickling, calmly.
Safety, Free desires.
Unleashed torture .


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