Copyright, Cat

as i wake in early morning
out the window
the day is dawning
birds sing… like i know what they say
another anorexic day
i didnt sleep last night
so scared to close one eye
just stare up at the moon
and twinkling stars in the sky
wearing so much clothes
feeling kinda cold
cos ana has finally
taken all my mould
thoughts are in my head
as i feel the pain within
coldness of my hands
bruising of my skin
always feeling guilty
wriddled with sin
whats goin on i think!
inside me within
as i jump on the scales
to see what i weigh
oh my goodness… got to fast this day
i know when ive lost cos my face feels so thin
i want to look perfect
i want to win

Give Me a Reason

Copyright, Cat

Is there a reason.why i was put on this earth
Was there a reason… why my mother gave birth
Why was i chosen… at this time to be born
Brought up as a pauper… all tattered and torn
Why have i suffered… all these years thats gone by
Did i deserve to live in pain and to cry
I never did wrong… so why happen to me
Cant others understand… why cant they see
Do they get pleasure… by putting me down
Isit there and think… and my forehead frowns
Will things improve… as the clock ticks so slow
I look and i wonder… i really dont know
Theres only one person… and he looks down on me
He holds my future… he holds the key
And about my future whats to be
So he gives me a reason… to try fight this war
Even though memories are bad thats hes saw
So i hold up my head… and try to be strong
And fight against odds… cos lifes not that long
At least i can say… that ive tried my best
And ill feel much better… then my mind can then rest

My Friends

Copyright, Cat

Sexual abuse is part of my life
thats what made me take the knife
engrave names in my arm
of all whos hurt me
to remind me and make others see
im in this world of my own
dont feel the pain
but inside me feel calming
once again
feeling cheaten used abused
my childhood stolen
i was refused
but as years gone by
and i got older
always someone abuse me
over and over
i would eat and protect myself
think this way is my sheild
but wasnt the truth
i thought i was healed
one night i sleepin
i thought its a dream until
i open my eyes look up
and i scream
abuse was here again… two men
thats the night of the rape
is this fate?
so i punished myself
its the way that i coped
sat around cryed and moped
ana joined in
along with the sin
what weird friends i got
not a lot…
cutting and ana
what a peculiar pair
tell me “was my life fair?”


Copyright, Cat

running away
what from
remains yet
to become

the fear
the pain
driving me

i seem
alone, i
have bean

hurting greatly inside
where it counts, alot
ignoring the feelings
i would like to forget

in the forest
so deep
where the tears
begin to seep

all alone
hiding from the
unknown that is
what i seem to be

different to them
hurt by them
where am i going
where have i been

the language they use
to hurt me so bad
theyll never understand
what it is to be sad

alone in this world
hurt and torn apart
no one shall ever rest
in my bleeding heart

whatever you will call it
it still causes all the harm
creating all my pain
bleeding from the arm

they think its a joke
they laugh at the pain
i cant wait till they
find out its not a game

surviving isnt easy
when the whole world
is aganist you
its a mean world

standing on my own
fending for myself
my last saving grace
is help from someone else


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