Copyright, Cyndi

Sitting in my room, drowning out the screams. Down to my last ciggarette, best go get more. Make up an excuse to leave the house.

Driving down the road to my death, been here before but something’s different. Don’t notice a thing. Too deep into my thoughts to care.

Thinking about the screaming, the crying, the cutting. Nothing seems to stop these thoughts. Dead inside but it doesn’t matter, nothing ever matters.

What am I doing? Where am I going? I drive for hours just thinking about how messed up things got. I should have left when I had the chance, but now it’s too late.

I can’t leave this prison now, there are too many people that I care about that come to visit me.

Sitting in the car, trying to drown out the screams inside my head. Didn’t get ant ciggarettes. I guess I just needed some time to think instead.


Copyright, Cyndi

What am I supposed to do when nobody listens to me? You think it’s okay, you think I’m alright, you might as well just be blind.

It’s not okay and I’m not alright, sometimes I really wanna give up this fight. But I won’t, I can’t.

I have to keep fighting. I’m tired of disappointing everyone around me. I have given up too many times before. I wanna fight for this before it’s too late.

I don’t want to lose the people I care about just because I gave up. They want me to keep trying and I want to want to keep trying.

So just remember, it’s not okay, I’m not alright, but I will NEVER give up this fight!


Copyright, Cyndi

When you get to heaven wait for me by the gate. I’ve missed you long enough, I don’t want to miss you anymore.

I always thought that we would be together but this was never planned. You took your life from yourself and robbed me of a best friend.

I still don’t understand why you did it and now I guess I’l’ never know. I just wish that you didn’t want to go.

Things could have been great. Everything we said we’d do, now we’ll never have the chance.

Even though I miss you more than words can say. Just know that you’ll be in my heart each and everyday.


Copyright, Cyndi

Laying on the floor, bloody and bruised, it took me a while to realize that it was you, who did this to me.

I turn around and see you standing over me. I try to get up and run away but you just push me back to the ground.

You scream at me (why?), you hit me and kick me (what did I do?), I just don’t understand. I’m your daughter, doesnt’t that mean anything to you?

After all these years ya think that I would be used to it by now… and I guess I am used to it but it still brings me a lot of pain.

Maybe one day you will see the way you treat me as a crime. But it will never matter to you. The pain will never be erased. My life will never be the same, no matter how hard I try.


Copyright, Cyndi

Taking out the blade and placing it upon my wrist, I have made the decision to let go.

The blade is pushed down hard as the blood comes to the surface and seeps through the cut. What a way to die, bleeding to death… alone.

If only you could see, that what I needed was you. As crazy as it sounds… it’s true.

The blood flows down my arm and finally drips onto the ground. Soon I am laying lifelessly in a pool of blood.

I am gone now. Will my mother find me? No she won’t. Will my father find me? No, he won’t cuz I am not home. Will you find me? Of course not. So, now I am all alone.


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