I Love You, and Good-bye

Copyright, Kaitlyn

Blood drips from my wrists as I hang from the noose
I pray it will hold — it’s becoming so loose
the wind blows fierce, as I sway side to side
this is my life, I’ve got nothing to hide
tears pour from my eyes as my mascara bleeds
I know this will work, this time I’ll succeed
all pills & no blood, I’m becoming so weak
my words have been stolen, and I can barely speak
unrequited love is what has taken place
I close my eyes — all I see is your face
darkness is all I can feel here tonight
nothing left to do, no more chance left to fight
I’ll be dead any moment for this is my last breath
I can still see the images of your back as you left
pinned to this tree is where they’ll find my note
then every one can read all the pain that I wrote
such wonderful bitter-sweet words that I said
& signed it with blood dripping beautifully red
remember me well, for it’s you that I’ll miss
I can still feel your lips from the last time we kissed
I can still see the soul that shown through your eyes
& can still hear your words as you tended my cries
I’ll love you forever & till the day I die
though that day is this moment, so you know I won’t lie
I will love you in heaven or where ever I go
you don’t have to miss me, I just want you to know
my face has turned blue & it’s getting so dark
I can feel your love yet so much pain in my heart
so as I bleed here now, hanging, and about to die
I just wanted to say I love you & Good-Bye

I Hate You, Mother…

Copyright, Kaitlyn

Clenched against this wall again
still keeping my eyes closed tight
my battle wounds just haven’t healed
from those nasty, horrid fights

my family has been broken
or at least that’s how it seems
there’s no one left to love me here
that’s what happens when they leave

shrieking voices in my head
I can’t escape this awful place
tomorrow brings a brand-new day
with her fake n’ cheery face

breathing slowly through the cloth
pillow wet from tears
music blasting, I have escaped
and can leave these broken fears

curled up freezing, by the heater
smiling at what I’ve found
a harmless, helpful bunch of rope
just coiled up there on the ground

what a great site that would be
hearing those last words “good night”,
then seeing a twisted sour face
as she screams in terror and fright

left the room, but only a minute
enough time to find a knife
cutting me down w/a whole new perspective
see I told you I had a bad life

maybe if you had listened to me
maybe if you hadn’t have laughed
maybe then I’d still be breathing
but not after these years have passed

no more clenching against that wall
no more wishing I’d never been born
here’s a chance to show off your dress
that black one that’s never been worn

don’t say any thing at my funeral please
don’t pretend by acting all brave
and after they’ve lowered the casket, mom
put “daddy’s girl” on my grave

you had your chance to love me, mom
you had my life wrapped up in your hands
but you gave me no love what-so-ever
you just gave me hate and demands

so when you go to sleep tonight
pillow wet form tears
think about your only daughter
and dream about her fears

Blood Tears

Copyright, Kaitlyn (kk83)

you try to deal
you try to feel
you try to cry out
but your misery can not shout

there is no voice
and you have no choice
your emotions hide so deep
but you are not strong enough to leap

everything comes out so fast
emotions that you cant outlast
so you try to make them disappear
with a blood tear

tears the flow fast and true
and as you become numb you knew
that with these tears of blood comes peace,
because for that second the emotions cease
for a second of my life im not in pain,
for the first time in a year i feel sane
and in a odd way im cleansed of all the abuse
and from his “loving” clutch him finally loose


Copyright, Kaitlyn

I place it down upon my skin
This is an internal battle
I will never win
I feel it tear and then go numb
A relief of satisfaction
But the jobs not done
A few more times just to say
The things you said
Are tearing me away
I watch my wrist as the blood drips down
I can’t feel a thing
For my hearts dying now
I sit back and wait for the cut to close
I sit back and cry
For this is what I have chose
This is a choice that is uncontrolled
I wish I could end it
Have my life unfold
The scars on my arm are forever ingrained
The reminders of a childhood
The forever will remain.


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