I wrote this poem right after I cut for the very first time. I didn’t really know how to feel with myself and things were going weird. This is one of my lesser materials but it’s what started my support. Every time I cut I feel better about it after I write because I can let my emotions out in a different way; a way I can actually let others see. And this poem specifically is based on my actual cuts. I carved ‘HELL’ into my arm…

Close to Home

Copyright, Kristalina

Why you ask I carved ‘hell’ in my hand?
Well, its simple but you wouldn’t understand.
How could you understand, you don’t even know me,
You think im ok, but Im sad and lonely.
I never thought about suicide,
All I asked was a friend at my side.
It was stupid, what I thought and did,
But did I really think this pain would rid?
I took the sun in my curious hand
And brought more pain then to my demand.
I saw at once my arm had cried,
But its pain made me happy, I won’t lie.
It cried its sad, red-hearted tears
Bleeding in thoughts, bleeding in fears.
Now that I liked it what would I do?
It made me realize why I hated you.
You look at me and see a problem,
Im your daughter, not a goblin.
If you looked through my eyes I swear you’d be blind,
Because there’s nothing in my life to hide behind.
I hide my skin but shed my eyes,
Try to hide a secret and return a lie.
A friend once asked me, a few days ago,
“Are you depressed because your eyes let me know?
I can see in every blink you take
That you’re miserable with a shake.”
I looked at her with open ears,
She could really see the pain in my fears?
I guess I wasn’t as fake as I thought,
Maybe being alone is what I sought.
Anyways, to jump to ‘Hell’
I guess I could tell you the pain taken spell.
I feel hurt depressed and I am alone,
Hell is for the devils, hell is my home.
I have never been close like I have dreamt,
I haven’t been alone like I have meant.
I guess I do want to be alone,
Hell is on my arm so im finally close to home.


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