Bloody Salvation and Wishing

Copyright, Sam

I sit here
All alone

Etching out
Memories lost

Take pain
Hold it in
Don’t let go
It is a sin

Lost, gone
Never again
Sharpest blade
Bloody Salvation

Sometimes I wish
For them to understand
Why I do
What I do

I’m only lost
Inside of me
But they only see
Me lost inside of Death

It is my way
Of relief…
Expressing my fears
My pain and my tears

Tonight I’m wishing
On that same action
For someone to see…
To understand why


Copyright, Sam

There I sit
With the blade in my hand
Tears on my face
Why what a disgrace
Keep repeating the words
Until they sink in
Worthless, unloved
And acting in sin
And there I go
The razor to flesh
I promise myself
To not go deep
But then it sinks in
I lose all control
Another long cut
Appears right above
And then a few more
Spelling out whore
Eventually done
All my feelings released
Suddenly drained
Partially deceased
So I bandage them
With some makeshift supplies
No longer absorbed
In my deep cries
I lay in my bed
And sleep through the day
And so I think why
Do I live life this way

My Wristband

Copyright, Sam

I had a pink wristband
Preppy yet punk
Nothing too special
Lacking much spunk
6 inches wide
Striped and frayed
An ugly little wristband
Permanently stayed
All my friends asked
Why it was on
My piece of flare
And then casually yawn
This little pink wristband
Seemed so unimportant
If only they knew
What it actually meant
For under it lay
A long history of pain
That wristband was
Just merely a feign
If they were to look
What they would see
Why neat little cuts
Hidden so perfectly
And under those cuts
Lay all the scars
Imprisoning my arm
A formation of bars
How amazing what was hidden
Under one little band
Why a year s full of pain
Expressed by my hand
And the bruises I have
Mostly caused by me
Oh under that wristband
What would they see

Who I Am

Copyright, Sam

I live a life battered and broken,
I speak my thoughts although they’re left unspoken.
Ask me to tell you how I feel,
But I’ll only show you how I deal,
With all my pain and misery,
Life isn’t something important to me.
Always looking for my exit,
Searching for my best escape.
Your eyes constant stare,
I wouldn’t be lying if I said,
“You’re the only one to care.”
So you dry my eyes and open your ears,
You’re the only to bother,
The only one to fear.
Tell me to take a new path, follow down a different road,
That things can change, or so I’m told.
I’m not alone but it’s how I feel.
You’re the only to tell me,
that my wounds will heal


Copyright, Sam

I can’t tell you what is wrong
When I don’t know what is right
How am I supposed to be
What is normal for me?
I can’t ask for help-
I’m not that extreme.
I’m curled up in the corner,
hiding from reality.
I don’t wanna life it.
I don’t wanna feel it.
My silent cry-
I don’t know what’s happening.
My violent sigh-
I don’t understand me.
Finish me off with my pain
Bleed to death-
it’s my own game
and i’m drowning off in my misery.

Too Late

Copyright, Sam

These disguises that she wears
The lies that she cannot bear
Someday they’ll all read her thoughts
They’ll realize what they’ve forgot
See what they could’ve done
But it’s too late and all is won
Those hurtful things that they said
That forever ran throughout her head
They’ll deny, and say it’s all pretend
But this is what lead her to her end
This is the edge that she’s neared
And now she’s done what they feared
To end her hurt with her own hands
So she’s left them alone
And they’ll never understand.


Copyright, Sam

these scars from this blade may fade
but the pain will never go away
you can cry all you want
but it will be there forever

Oh So Tragic

Copyright, Sam

staring at this blade again.
contemplating suicide.
is it really all worth it?
looks like it is.
would anyone notice?
apperantly not.
does anyone care?
doesn’t look like it to me.
there’s only one person that cares.
and he’s not permanent.
so when it all comes down.
i’m just a useless soul.
one not needed.
so why even try?
i have no purpose.
no meaning.
it was all just one big mistake.
so don’t cry for me beautiful.
i was one not needed.


Copyright, Sam

Life is hard
Life is not fair
Life sucks
It’s like a big dare
Never knowing what to expect
I mean really…
Who cares?
Lying in my bed I think a lot
about life
and what its not
No one understands
exactly what I mean
my words and my thoughts
are two very different things
Who I am or who I’m not
is not really clear and so
Deeper into thought
I begin to think
about life
and how I’m caught
I thought not caring would make it go away
now its even worse
day by day
I lose more and gain less
I hate my life
It’s such a mess
And so I drift into my thougts
and start to think
about life
and how its fought
It’s a battle
neither won nor lost
Though we all go through it
there’s always a cost
so we go on
and feel hoplessly lost


Copyright Sam

I look in the mirror, and I weep
I weep for the lost soul staring back at me.
Frail as she is, no one suspects.
Hidden secrets are all that lies within.
Her skin is stretched out ever so carefully,
Over the bones that hold her frame.
If she is touched she may break.
but it doesnt matter,
Because the mirror broke her years ago.


Copyright Sam

To watch blood drying on the tip of the knife
it does its job — congealing
Blood against metal has the most amazing look
there is nothing like it
I wish I could paint it
make it look real so that I could always look at it
its sick to watch it dry
At first when the blood is still wet its shiny against matte stainless steel blade, as it dries it becomes more opaque
Becoming matte its self
yet still stands out
It is art
Its beautiful
I like it too much
Im amazed at the little cuts
its kind of fun

they dont Look real
they really dont hurt.

I just dont like it when the blood gets on my clothes

Seeeking Clarity

Copyright Sam

sinking thriugh the dark
falling into black
there is nothing
who knows
life was a blur
death is only clear because it is nothing
and nothing is clear

i dont want to die
i just want to rest
to end this puzzle that is life
but not with death
is that too much to ask?


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