Copyright Samantha

Sitting here in solitude
Noone to hear me cry out in pain
Slowly the blade digs deeper, deeper
Till it hits the vein
This is the end
There’s no turning back
No tomorrow for me
But will you notice the void there will be
Of cousre not even now you dont notice me
Forgotten in life
Unknown death
Am I that unimportant, that insignificant
I am the sacrifice
Though Id die to know you love me
I am alone


Copyright Samantha

Drop, Drop, Drop goe her tears
bound at every limb by her shackles of fear
crying alone awating the end
she fights for the chance to be lied to again
Never good enough never stong enough
no one will show her love

That which I don’t Understand

Copyright Samantha

The pain inside is just too much. They want to send me back, but I know that I just can’t. The scars are there. But the wounds are going to appear soon. I will shed no more tears. The pain will show in blood.


Copyright Samantha

you freed me
you hurt me
you kill me inside
you love me
you kiss me
you sit in and hide,
i love you,
the feeling
i get from the sight
the sight of my blood
dripping downt he side
the kiss of the blade
touches my wrist
i try not to look
but its so hard to miss
the joy and the freedom
i get from the pain
i wish i could get
some other way


Copyright Samantha

darkened nothingness
stabs me over and over again
but like new day
the wounds start over again
a new layer of skin
crawls over the broken layers
and the dawn of a new day
brings new happiness
but as the sun sets
the darkness swallows me again
and all the cuts that healed over
open up again
but this times its real
and now im on the floor
surrounded in blood


Copyright Samantha

self mutialtion
o yes its an art
and i am an artist
cant wait to start
it brings so much joy
just to watch myself bleed
even if it is sometimes
only a dream
but then i wake up
and all the cuts that i made
i wake up to find that they all are real
it scares me sometimes
but hey thats the fun
not knowing when my time here
will be done
i know people want help
“o save me o save me”
“o please dont let it break me”
but i say “fuck it”
i know what i want
and i want to paint
some beautiful art

Pain Inflicted

Copyright Samantha

The razerblade on my dresser screams my name
I pick it up and fondle the blade
The sharpness
It slices my finger as I play on its edge
I stare at the blood
The pain brings me to my own world
An eptieness I only feel with the bitter blade on soft flesh.
The scars show me my world
To others it shows my pleasure of pain, my insanity
I slice my burning flesh
I bite my lip in pleasure
Suddenly I am snapped back to reality
The feeling of pain is gone and is replaced by lonelieness and deceat
Traped in a world of hatred
Only to escape with the bitter edge of sweet pain


Copyright Samantha

These scars will tell
About my past with hate
Nobody understands
Cause no one can relate
They think i’m a “normal” girl
But only if they could see behind the mask
That not only do i enjoy the pain
But it is my timely task
These scars will tell
About my past with hate
Nobody understands
Cause no one can relate


Copyright Samantha

Skin is thin and unbroken,
Like words of hate, left unspoken.
Until the blade of conflict cuts,
The skin that spreads, is opened up.

The blood flows out like crimson streams,
Surrounds and drowns the longest screams.
Until the river red runs dry,
All else is left alone to die.

The wound, it slowly closes up,
And mends until it heals all shut.
It hides the pain it felt before,
And waits for pain that’s left in store.

Scars appear where wounds once healed,
And still reveal where holes were sealed.
Reminds of times of massive loss,
When losing canceled out the cost.

The only thing prolonging pain,
Are memories inside the brain,
That if erased, would put to rest,
Reminders of the pain that’s left.

On the Edge of Insanity and Suicide

Copyright Samantha

I woke up this morning
I thought it was yesterday
I tought the sun would be shining
I thought I could somehow be ok
Life seems pointless
Everydays the same
I feel hollow and emotionless
Waiting for you to whisper my name
Once in a while I think I see the end
Of confusing days that I can’t feel
Everyday my emotions twist and bend
How can all this be real
Screaming to the wind and rain
Standing in the middle of a storm
I cry trying to stop selfinflicted pain
Trying to make tears not take form
I bring the knife down on me
Feeling blood soak my hand
Dark then light is all I can see
And alone is how I stand
Scars run deep in side me
Pain and regret run deeper still
I thought all this would make me free
I almost took my life with a pill
I didn’t know how to deal with pain
I took the wrong way
I’m still trying to hide my shame
I’m trying to forget that one bad day


Copyright Samantha

The blade that I once longed for
was right in from of my face
I again picked it up
an outline did I trace

an outline of my life
of all the things gone wrong
I put it to my ankle
and made a cut quite long

I felt the cold metal
But soon it did turn warm
All I seen was blood
Feeling nothing I moved to my arm

My pain and sorrow faded
as more blood began to show
it was so relaxing
when blood began to flow

worries washed away with blood
more with every cut
soon I felt faint
and a weird feeling in my gut

I think I’ve gone to far this time
myself I could not control
I could hear my heart pounding
I started to get cold

memories flashed before my eyes
for a moment i felt scared
none of this would have happened
if someone said they cared

then I felt much better
like I was floating away
then I realized what happened
and wished that I could stay

I noticed my big mistake
by then it was too late
little did I know
that blade would be my fate

I’m only seventeen
I have a life to live
I’ve got unfinished duties
don’t take me I’m still a kid

I don’t know want to hurt my family
or leave behind my friends
I never would have done it
if I’d know this would be the end

I never got to hug them
or even say good-bye
how was I to know
tonight I was to die

now it is to late
for I cannot go back
I’ll never have the chance
to get my life on track

now my life is over
my time on earth is through
I wish I had one more chance
I know just what I’d do

I’d tell my friends and family
I really love them all
I’d take a few minutes
give someone and unexpected call

I’d live my life to its fullest
thank God for each passing day
I’d straighten up my life
and try to change my ways

I should have thought of this before
but now it is to late
for now on my tombstone
is marked this awful date!

Dead Inside

Copyright Samantha

A veiw into my eyes.
A reflection of my mind.
A world, so black and grey.
A past, that never goes away.
A memory that stays in my head.
Regretting that I’m lost not dead.
A grip that’s starting to loose.
A hold that I’m starting to lose.
Flirting with a wound so deep.
The blood just seeps.
I cannot cry.
I cannot hide.
I’m out in the middle of a feild while the lightening strikes around me.
I’m talking in my sleep, telling the enemy all my secrets.
I am the enemy.
I am the only one that can bring me down.
I am the only one that can make my body die.
Because I’m already dead inside


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