Untitled Short

Copyright, Sillygrrl

you can’t see her injuries,
but trust she bleeds

Ramblings… of a Cutter

Copyright, Sillygrrl

my fingers glide across a keyboard
as easily as a knife glides across my skin
the desire to do one not the other
that is where the decision lays
i can cut as easily as i write
sometimes more easily
but is it worth everything it does
for the moments free of torment
my actions don’t hurt me
not as badly as it hurts others
while i get my release
my friends my family they take my pain
and i fight the urges, i try not to do it
but for as strong as people think i am
i am really not
i am weak
i am a failure
i continue to fall back to the crutch
back to that which takes the pain away
that which makes everything be right again
i am tired of being a fragmented person
i am tired of feeling broken and alone
i wish i could be whole again without it
i wish i could go back in time to not let myself start
i am a shell of who i should be
and no one knows until i tell
and when i tell i just regret
i’ve told too many already
too many know and want me to get help
too many are trying to help
but they can’t no matter what they try
the only thing that helps is the pain
ironic that i need pain to remove pain
doesn’t make much sense at all
then again it doesn’t seem like much in my life does
i am spinning out of control like a tornado
coming through and wrecking things
having no control of my path
just being pushed and pulled by winds of change
yet in the quiet times
in the lonely times
i sit and i wish for a tomorrow
one where i was alright again
one where i was happy once more
but i can barely see through the next few hours
its to the point where i can’t even see past today
what good is hoping when you’re not even sure
tomorrow will ever come

Blood on my Hands

Copyright, Sillygrrl

i look down
the tissue is red
the steel of the knife is cold
even though it cut through my skin
i have blood on my hands
i try to clean up
i never saw it this bad
my legs throb
they just hurt
i have blood on my hands
i failed again
i am a monster
i am hideous
i am a freak
i have blood on my hands
i try to clean up
i wash them
i scrub them
i look to them again
i have blood on my hands
no matter what i do
wherever i go
i will never be rid of it
they will always be stained
i have blood on my hands


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