Maria K


Copyright Maria K

Something I can rely on.
My body goes numb.
I feel the knife cut through my skin.
I am bleeding.
I said I would stop this,
But I do it again and again.
I will hate myself for it afterwards,
For now, I love the numbness it gives me.
I don’t care about the world now.
It all goes away.
It happens every time.
Something I can rely on.
Why do I do this?
It just makes me hate myself more.
I need help.
You are blind to it.
You don’t see my pain on the inside.
In my mind,
I am screaming at you to notice my pain,
my scars.
On the outside, a smile is plastered instead.
You don’t notice.
Just how it always is.
Something I can rely on.
Sometimes, I wish you could just look.
Look inside me.
Look at my arms, my legs.
See who I really am,
and how much I hurt.
Sometimes I do.
But I am ashamed.
I am glad you don’t see.
I am glad you only my fake happiness.
If you to just ask me once,
I’d pour my heart out.
Something I can rely on.
I only need one second,
and everything would be told.
My life is now confusing and unsure.
I feel outcasted and different from you.
I feel like my friends are lying to me,
ignoring me.
In my heart,
I know they love me.
I have trouble now, believing that.
Sometimes I feel like hiding in a corner.
Sometimes I do.
I sit there with a pillow and cry.
Crying is a weakness.
One, which I can overcome,
But not always.
Something I can’t rely on.
Times always seem hard,
Trying to bring me down.
Sometimes I do go down.
Sometimes I do fall.
My weakness.
These are my flaws.
I have learned everyone has them.
They handle them better.
I fall.
Something I can rely on.
I cannot control my thoughts.
I make my life harder,
with these thoughts.
I need you to help me.
I do not know who you are,
Or how you will help,
Or even when.
I need help believing.
Believing in the truth.
I’ve heard believing in the truth,
It’s so much easier.
And that is,
Something I can always rely on.


Permanent location: